[Botcpl]

Robert, first let me say you have come to the right place for these types of questions and you are going to get a lot of good information and some of it might be for you, but I am worried about you.

.....I am a 19 year old married man....

I'm sorry, but you are a child. You can't even legally buy beer in most states! I know many peope who married young, even as young as 14 years old (legal in Texas), but none of them want their kids to marry so young.

...She has had two partners previously but I have had none...

So young and already the marriage needs "spicing up". Do you see why I am worried about you? I'm going to step back now and start reading between the lines. What I am about to say may not be you exactly, but I bet it will be close.

You've been married a short time, one or two years. Very unlikely your parents signed off for minors to marry, unless there is a baby involved. So your working your butt off because you don't have an education and can't get a good job. If you are lucky, you have graduated from high school, but that is not enough in todays work environment. Take it from a college drop out, it's tough out there. The degree may not make you a smart person, but it will open doors for you. I could not even apply for the job I have today because I didn't finish school. It can be done, but why walk around dragging a ball and chain around for the rest of your life?

So your wife stays home watching the baby because she doesn't have an education and you can't afford childcare. She's seventeen or eighteen and board taking care of the baby and guys are a welcomed diversion. The sad truth is when a woman is in heat, there are plenty of dogs around! I work in the inner city and a phrase we use a lot is, "...babies having babies..."

Now I might be wrong about the baby, but I am not wrong about the education.

You have your whole lives to spice up your marriage, but if you guys continue this way, there will be no marriage in a few years and that will be bad for the child. As far as an open marriage? There is much more to an open marriage than sex with others, it is about the personal growth of two individules who happen to be married.
You can have an open marriage and never have sex with anyone but your spouse!

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are in for a tough time under the best of circumstances. You guys need to take a deep and honest look at yourselves and decide where you want to go. One of you needs to go to school and then the other, but I wouldn't send her first, because she might leave you high and dry. You seem like a nice person, you want to like the person you sleep with, most of us do. But just because you want your marriage to work doesn't mean she cares to. The fact she has a couple of lovers already doesn't look good. And it might just be the best thing for you to split while you are still young enough to build your own lives. I don't know anyone who married before twenty-one who is still married. That doesn't mean you can't do it, just that the odds are not in your favor.

I'm sorry if I am hurting your feelings here, but I've seen so many young couples flush their lives down the toilet trying to grow up too fast, I feel compelled to say something.

I have two children about your age and maybe that is what is driving me here. I want them and you to have the best shot at happy and productive lifes.

Paul Botcpl

PS: sorry to take up so much bandwidth here.