[Cr8tivecpl]

here is my take on this for what it is worth...

It would seem that your wife has indulged you (to a point) and as a result it has triggered some things in her that quite possibly would have been better left buried where they were until sometime that it was "ready' to come out on their own. As it would seem this box has been opened and like the proverbial genie...it ain't gonna go back in. Now, you may be receiving mixed messages and you may truly desire this adventure and your wife is willing, reservedly I might add, to go along with you - under restrained duress. No relationship is worth the sacrifice of someone else's comfort - period. She is seemingly confused about how she should feel because of her life experiences and upbringing. She is perfectly content to give you what you want at home without someone else's participation - hell, by many standards, you are already way ahead of the game. She has told you that if the two of you go to a club it is play between the two of you and no one else...she is not interested in playing with anyone else...not really...despite what momentary feelings she may have experienced. You have said that she experienced what can only be seen as remorse - it made her depressive and sick. Leave it alone, try to create more magic at home and be happy with that. If and when, if ever the time comes that she "TRULY," chooses to do this, it must be wholely her decision - virtually free of any influence on your part. This may just have to remain what it is - a fantasy.

Good luck...