The Swingers Board - View Single Post

**TNT** · 02-29-2004, 01:48 PM

A little different view here so the asbestos suits are on to protect from the flames, lol...

First off we don’t see this as a one way street as most of the posters have, i.e....all the husbands fault.

Yes, we agree that he seems to be extremely pushy in one respect (especially in view of his wife’s history) but the wife is definitely very wishy-washy as well. It is obvious that she has a major problem with swinging and it is something that she probably will never be able to come to terms with. However, in the same respect she is not really being fair to her husband by not making this absolutely clear.

You do not hang a steak in front of a hungry dog then snatch it away...the following statement he made was so wrong on her part...

when we went to the club the first time, she knew I wanted to go and see what happens, sort of check it out, as I've never been to one and neither had she. My wife knowing that I really wanted to go, after some talks, she brought up going and actually made the arangements. I was in awww.

During the 90 minute drive, half way there shje made a statement that I could have whatever I wanted while we were there but then our marriage was dead in the water and that if I chose to do by bidding that just as soon as we got back home she was calling our marriage quits. Packing, leaving and filing for divorce that Monday.

They both need to make some major decisions here. He needs to decide if this is something that he absolutely has to have and if so he’s going to have to get out of the present relationship as we don’t feel it’s going to happen. If his love for his wife is greater than his need to swing he needs to totally drop the subject, never bring it up again and tell her it’s closed and he doesn’t even want her to mention it again.

She needs to stop teasing him and giving him ultimatums, if she doesn’t want to swing say so and stop going back and forth on the subject. Offering him something that he wants then putting limits on it is not the way to go. She needs to tell him I’ve tried, I can’t and I’m not going to ever again so don’t ever expect it to happen and don’t bring it up again, ever. She needs to stop titillating him by making offers she is not intending to go through with whole heartedly.

Our advice to frenchie is drop the subject totally and if she brings it back up tell her No, your not interested in going to a club or doing anything if she is going to act the same way she has in the past with ultimatums and being upset afterwards. It’s not good for her or you in the long run.

TNT

02-29-2004, 01:48 PM	#26 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 4,195 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple SLS Name:tblonde312 Blog Entries: 31	A little different view here so the asbestos suits are on to protect from the flames, lol... First off we don’t see this as a one way street as most of the posters have, i.e....all the husbands fault. Yes, we agree that he seems to be extremely pushy in one respect (especially in view of his wife’s history) but the wife is definitely very wishy-washy as well. It is obvious that she has a major problem with swinging and it is something that she probably will never be able to come to terms with. However, in the same respect she is not really being fair to her husband by not making this absolutely clear. You do not hang a steak in front of a hungry dog then snatch it away...the following statement he made was so wrong on her part... when we went to the club the first time, she knew I wanted to go and see what happens, sort of check it out, as I've never been to one and neither had she. My wife knowing that I really wanted to go, after some talks, she brought up going and actually made the arangements. I was in awww. During the 90 minute drive, half way there shje made a statement that I could have whatever I wanted while we were there but then our marriage was dead in the water and that if I chose to do by bidding that just as soon as we got back home she was calling our marriage quits. Packing, leaving and filing for divorce that Monday. They both need to make some major decisions here. He needs to decide if this is something that he absolutely has to have and if so he’s going to have to get out of the present relationship as we don’t feel it’s going to happen. If his love for his wife is greater than his need to swing he needs to totally drop the subject, never bring it up again and tell her it’s closed and he doesn’t even want her to mention it again. She needs to stop teasing him and giving him ultimatums, if she doesn’t want to swing say so and stop going back and forth on the subject. Offering him something that he wants then putting limits on it is not the way to go. She needs to tell him I’ve tried, I can’t and I’m not going to ever again so don’t ever expect it to happen and don’t bring it up again, ever. She needs to stop titillating him by making offers she is not intending to go through with whole heartedly. Our advice to frenchie is drop the subject totally and if she brings it back up tell her No, your not interested in going to a club or doing anything if she is going to act the same way she has in the past with ultimatums and being upset afterwards. It’s not good for her or you in the long run. TNT __________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.