Ditto to almost 100% of what b smith said.
My only exception here is that I do believe that sometimes counseling can help. I totally agree that a bad counselor can do more harm than good. Absolutely. However, in order to have good communication, you have to know what good communication is and how to do it. Hence, the counselor, a good one, can help someone with skewed thinking to "get it" IF the counselee really wants the help.
A good counselor can help both people to learn more effective communication techniques such as arguing styles, how to be aware of "emotional landmines" or when to back off; choosing when and where to argue or discuss things; help one or both to know when something is worth discussing at all, or when it might cause more harm than good (as seen here). When to just listen and be supportive, etc. I just believe that good communication is a skill and that it must be learned; some are better at it than others. How can you solve a problem, such as the one discussed here, if one or both parties don't know how to truly hear what the other person is saying?
I am not defending the husband here. For what it's worth, the hubby here sounds to me like he's being very selfish in this instance and, based on what he has said here, I question his loyalty to his relationship. Maybe, he just hasn't really thought about her feelings enough yet. I hope that the advice and information given to him here will help him to think through just how important swinging really is and how dedicated he is to his lady. Some of his word choices are rather "unfeeling" if you will. The "stringing me along" comment was pretty harsh. Given the fact that he's posting his responses here, which is good, I would have thought that, after reading some of the information and advice given to him, he'd have done more soul-searching, and that he'd have chosen words that denote a more caring attitude toward her. I understand that he is frustrated and upset because he's not getting what he wants (the swinging), and he seems to be confused as to what she wants, but sometimes we just can't have what we want because it will hurt those we love. Which is more dear to you: the swinging or your love???????
Honesty from both is extremely critical. You must decide just how important this issue is to you as a couple and go from there.
Again, best of luck to this couple. I hope that they can work this through to a happy conclusion for both. It will take love for each other, caring, consideration, communication, and maybe some sacrifice of one's own desires (meaning his for her) to make this relationship work. It sounds as if his lady wants to please him, but maybe she just can't do it in this way for whatever reason(s). Maybe he needs to please her in this and put her needs above his.
Hugs to all
