This is the first time we can honestly admit we have read all of the replies on a thread more than a page. From your replies there is absolutely no indication your wife wants to be a part of this lifestyle and every indication that she wants no part of it. Any attempt is her way of trying to please you. Including her going to the clubs and the ground rules that she has set. Even if she brings the subject up on her own it is an attempt for her to give you what you want. Furthermore it seems from your replies you are continuously forcing the subject, either directly or indirectly through your actions. You also make several mentions of "checking the accounts" what does the "accounts" have to do with swinging anyhow? They are two totally unrealted items.
Does a falling brick wall has to hit you before you get the message that you are doing no one any favours, including yourself, by continuously forcing the subject with her. From reading your posting and replies it sounds like this is a "tit for a tat" type of approach. Meaning you don't question her actions as long as she participates in swinging. That is absolutely no way of having a loving realtionship.
As a couple we do not advocate therapy / counselling as we believe it does no one any good and if the practioner is bad it can do a great deal of emotional damage. The damage done can be far worse than medical malpractice. Good communication, respect for each other, and love for one another does more than a good therapist. Plus it makes a relationship healthy.
Take a step back and look at what you are doing to a woman who obviously loves you, for whatever reason. Let the subject die for at least a year before bringing it up again and seriously work on the relationship. Even if she brings up the subject on her own be a man and say to her,"I love you and want to make you happy. In due course we can talk about this subject again. However for the time being lets take some time for ourselves and let me show you how much I love you". There will always be clubs, movies, males interested in being the third in a mfm, and the like. There is only one soulmate and she may not always be there if you continue down the path you have chosen. The best thing is to let her go if all you want is a "ticket" into the lifestyle. Have more respect for her and yourself than what you are showing right now. If not, you will wind up being one miserable loney person with no one else to blame but yourself.soapbox