I agree with most of what has been said already. And first of all, I am sorry that your first experience is not one you will look back on with fond recollection.
I think more probing conversation/communication needs to happen between you and your husband.
It is unfortunate he was reluctant from the first to truly share his desires with you until an arguement brought it out of him. It seems you were trying to communicate regarding your wishes but perhaps he didn't hear all of the meaning behind your words.
You do not want a great deal of kissing because it is something you greatly enjoy but have had to get by without. So you recognized the potential problem that could arise and asked for that not to be a portion of the action. You also drew the line short of intercourse - which is fine, as long as with all things - the two of you agree that it is reasonable and acceptable.
Point A to Point C was therefore not the way a FFM threesome was agreed to go for you. Point A=kissing Point C=intercourse
This leaves Point B to encompass everything else - and what you DID deem as okay. It's difficult to say if Point B would have been okay either since it never came into play.
The problem when all are "newbies" is that all lack experience to draw from. The most happy way to deal with Point A would have been for one of the three of you to recognize the kissing could/should be amongst the three of you. [Your hubby would have had to adjust to more 'tongue' than you say is normally his practice.] A three way nuzzling, probing, tasting of mouths as three bodies began feeling the arousal is extremely pleasurable. And let's face it, it's difficult to leap to Point B without some sort of 'warmup'.
You were all newbies - but, ... honestly? ... you should have taken the lead here. If you had, you would have been the one setting the pace - and you also would have been feeling enough excitment, arousal, and 'push' so to speak - you would not have had the opportunity for the dissociation you felt instead. It seems the other lady was trustingly following where she was lead. It is too bad that she is now questioning herself and her role in the unhappy results. I think you liked her and it could have been a wonderful first experience. As it was, there was no chance for the other two to do anything BUT fail, I think.
Part of the needed communication is for you to ask your husband WHY - exactly why - he prefers not to have another man in the room. He may not have examined his reasons himself. But I would bet that at least some of his reasoning is to avoid the same reaction within himself that you felt. The viewing of a mate, enjoying another with evident pleasure and arousal is a mental adjustment usually best aided by the active involvement of all in every part of the playtime.
Perhaps what neither of you considered is that despite your interest in bisexual activity, you still have the capacity to feel the same discomforts and jealousies that he seeks to avoid by keeping a male out of the room. Ask him to envision how it might have gone if this first time had been an MFM - with him attempting to deal with the visuals before him - - and then explain that was the same problem you were having. If you can get to the point you both understand that those feelings are normal - and don't necessarily mean the thought of lifestyle activity is over.
You just need to figure out the activity that wil include all in a manner most advantageous to achieving the desire results.
Good luck - don't beat yourself up over this - learn from it - relax - move forward - and enjoy!
wrnakedru
