[J&T Indiana]

I'm gonna be a little blunt here, from a man's perspective BUT my wife has read this and TOTALLY AGREES.

He has never once said anything negative towards it or her

Why would he say anything negative about her? He doesn't have any negative feelings, you do. He'd be lying if he said something negative about her.

and hasn't done much to stroke my ego back.

Why is it his responsibility to 'stroke' your ego back? He didn't bruise it. MAYBE he kissed a little 'deeper' than you were planning, but you did say kissing was OK and it doesn't appear that you made very clear rules.

Based on your post, it looks like your problem ended up being kissing 'in general' not just deep kissing. I think you would have been upset whether it was deep kissing or just lightly "making out". If you felt uncomfortable about kissing in general (which it looks like you do since you complain that he doesn't kiss you anymore) then you should have said "no kissing" or at least been more specific. If you didn't KNOW it would bother you and it did bother you, you can't blame him.

Your post continually says, "I was ashamed of myself", etc. This is not HIS problem.

Of course he was attracted to her, otherwise he wouldn't hvae wanted to have sex with her. You should know that and it shouldn't bother you.

What you should be focusing on is that when you said, 'stop' he immediately obeyed your wishes and didn't throw a fit. That's about all he could have done.

I'm hurt and he doesn't see it.

Have you TOLD HIM that? That you really are hurt?

Even if you have, you still need to tell him what he can do about it. He can't read your mind.

And even if he understands that you are hurt, and even WHY you are hurt, what can he do about it? He didn't do anything wrong, other than MAYBE a little too much kissing.

He can apologize to you for how you felt, but what else can he do?

I'll be up-front, we both think that the problem lies on your end. Neither of us can think of anything he can do to help ya other than be understanding and a good listener. You want him to "tell" you stuff, but there's nothing to tell.

Is the fantasy better than the reality?

For some, probably. Not for us.


Sidenote: we are both reading the Dr. Laura book "Proper Care and Feeding for Husbands". She's an idiot many times but she makes some great points and somehow has gotten into a man's psyche. I'd suggest you read the first 2 chapters and try to use that advice in this situation. Seriously.