I'm responding to this wonderful, thought provoking, critical issue IMHO posting BUT be warned...I'm sleep deprived due to our Puppy having sneaked and eaten People Food and we are day 3 of vomiting and the runs. He just this minute ate the first dog food he's had in days. (yes I called the vet
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As regulars at a club, do you feel you have a responsibility to welcome new members and check on them throughout the night, or do you feel this is totally the owners job?
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All the clubs up here are small enough that you can say 'hi' to people at the next tables. I'd say never more than 200 people at special events and the average is 60 to 100 on regular club nights.
It has been our practice to get to know people online, then meet them in person at a club. We've usually coordinated these evenings where many new couples attend on the same night, and we introduce them around.
I've been doing this for a number of years now, as have one or two other couples. One such group even opened up a club and a website for a chat room and ads.
Why we've been doing this for a number of years now was exactly as TNT mentions..... new people end up sitting alone. The clubs all say they have 'host couples' who will sit with new couples, answer their questions, introduce them around...but they rarely do. It's been my experience that host couples (we've had friends who acted as such) set their sights on one couple they want to 'bed' and pay attention only to them.
Ever since my first 2 visits to swinger clubs, and we ended up alone and confused (why was that man walking past me and rubbing against me so much, and I smiled at him, but he never talked?).... we've never gone to a club unless we had organized a group to attend. Otherwise..... BIG yawn.
Two of the swinger clubs have since acknowledged these informal Meet and Greets at their clubs....they even have a sign in board so that people can post their online nicknames when they arrive.
Guess what happens...the people who already know each other stick to their own group. No one goes out scouting for the new couples. In their chat rooms the next few days, there is a lot of 'you were there??'
I think the clubs and the community in general set up the false belief that there are host couples and many friendly couples who will welcome new people and spend some time with them. This is a blatant lie for the most part, and may perhaps explain why more new couples aren't approached....the regulars think the host couple or the club owners are taking care of it. They aren't.
I've also found that at special events....'round here we've attended a midnight boat cruise....an orgy on the water......people pre-select who they are going to have sex with and socialize with at the event. We watched 100 couples board the boat, head straight for the upper level, and only ever saw them again when we, too went upstairs and everyone was naked. We didn't know any of them, and they didn't introduce themselves, or even say hi.
Luckily, we had organized a group, including a few new couples, to hang with us during the cruise. Those that wanted to get sexual would wander off for a bit
Overall, I think it's a fundamental myth up here that swingers are outgoing, friendly people. They may be to the people in their own clique...but I see far too much of what I've written to believe otherwise.
Even the meet and greets are now cliquey, blech.
We haven't clubbed in a while, for all those reasons and I was getting tired of being the only one to introduce new people. It wasn't my job, I wasn't being paid, and I was supposed to be out for a night of fun..not being Julie the Cruise Director
We now stick with private parties where people we already know host, and they take the time and effort to help new people.