Quote:
Originally posted by twoloves
I asked her to stop again. I told her it hurts me and angers me. Asked her to start out '04 as a couple in the lifestyle and forgo solo play. She said no, that she plans to see her friend for the forseeable future. She said it's fun and is just sex, that she isn't leaving me and he isn't leaving his wife. She said I was "controlling" and overbearing. I still haven't seen my friend since September and I will not see her. My desire for the lifestyle has diminished now due to the problems we have. She says this is the lifestyle, get used to it. I say the lifestyle is about couples. We pushed the envelope, we both had fun, let's quit now, while we are ahead.
Our options are thus:
1) I forbid her to see him. (She said that she would be very upset and her feelings for me may change and our sex life would greatly diminsh. Not a good option. Besides, I would want her to stop because she loves me and is of her own volition.)
2) The latest "compromise" from her is for her to be allowed to see him 4-6 more times and continue to IM and phone. This would take us into next September or so. (The problem with this option is that I don't like the stress/anxiety this causes me and I don't feel it's fair to put me through this. I fear there may be some degradation in my feelings for my spouse.)
Am I wrong here? Am I too controlling? Should I just let her go and not worry about it? Am I being paranoid? Have we just, after 25 years, come to separate roads? Any other ideas out there? Have any of you out there negotiated solo play successfully?
2luvs |
First thing, please suggest strongly that your wife read this thread. I think that you have made yourself perfectly clear. It hurts you when she is out with people other than you, particularly THIS man who, it seems, is trying to carry on a romantic relationship that steps over your boundaries. For your wife to argue that you are being controlling sounds to me that she is trying to shift the blame for your predicament squarely onto you rather than accepting her share of the blame. I agree with the above poster who suggested that it is indeed your WIFE that is controlling in this relationship at this time.
It sounds like if you push the situation, she will leave. But, do you really want her to stay if she shows such little regard for your feelings? She obviously has more invested in the relationship with this other man than she is letting on. It needs to stop and it needs to stop NOW!
There is never any sex that is better than the relationship between a husband and a wife. If she'd rather be the 3rd wheel in their marriage than be a wife to you, or perhaps break up their marriage as well, you are just going to have to let her. Cut your losses and heal yourself. Only you can make sure your best interests are met.
Perhaps, I am underestimating your wife. Perhaps she will come to her senses. Perhaps not.
You need to STOP :slam" rationalizing this situation. You need to STOP head bang trying to "compromise" since you are the only one that seems to be compromising anything.
Good luck to you.
BTW, just curious, what part of OR are you? Please feel free to answer that question in an IM or private email.
LC