The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Husband wants to quit due to performance issues

CanadianCouple · 08-07-2002, 11:46 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by sccple29073:
Hubby and i have tried full swap 2x, with same couple. He is fine during oral sex and putting on condom but once it gets to "point of entry" it becomes "shy". Even after this he and the other female start again with oral play and he is ready to go..but again is "shy" once it comes to the actual "point of entry".

<hr /></blockquote>Well, they say misery loves company, and you've got plenty of it with this. What you've described is actually quite common within the lifestyle, and yes, I've experienced it as well. It all comes down to a case of nerves and so-called "stage fright".

At the risk of drawing considerable wrath from my female friends in here, men in my opinion are under much more pressure to "perform" in group situations than are women, for obvious physical reasons. True, a woman may be nervous and subsequently "dry", but she's still capable of having intercourse and completing the act. On the other hand men often have little control over their erections, and I can tell you from personal experience it can be highly embarrassing and humiliating. After all, it's bad enough with just his wife present in their own bedroom, but now you have two other people present whom you may or may not know well, one of them you're trying desperately to please sexually. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much or little a man is sexually attracted to the partner he's with, something women should always keep in mind.

If it's any consolation to your husband, this happens even to seasoned swingers, men who've been doing this for years. The solution? Some say viagra helps, but a key ingrediant is having a RELAXED atmosphere. The few times I've had a problem, we've all stopped and taken a break, then things just happened naturally and I've completed the act every time. In fact the first time it happened, it happened to both myself and the other guy simultaneously, a couple who already had many years on their swinging resume. It was actually pretty funny at the time, me trying to enter his wife with a penis in full retreat, and him trying to accomplish the same with my wife. All turned out well though, eventually.

I understand your husband's feelings, believe me. I hope he's willing to try again, and I feel quite confident that once everyone's relaxed enough, he'll achieve full penetration with the other woman just fine.

Hope this helps,
Dan (on vacation)

08-07-2002, 11:46 AM	#4 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by sccple29073: <strong>Hubby and i have tried full swap 2x, with same couple. He is fine during oral sex and putting on condom but once it gets to "point of entry" it becomes "shy". Even after this he and the other female start again with oral play and he is ready to go..but again is "shy" once it comes to the actual "point of entry". </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Well, they say misery loves company, and you've got plenty of it with this. What you've described is actually quite common within the lifestyle, and yes, I've experienced it as well. It all comes down to a case of nerves and so-called "stage fright". At the risk of drawing considerable wrath from my female friends in here, men in my opinion are under much more pressure to "perform" in group situations than are women, for obvious physical reasons. True, a woman may be nervous and subsequently "dry", but she's still capable of having intercourse and completing the act. On the other hand men often have little control over their erections, and I can tell you from personal experience it can be highly embarrassing and humiliating. After all, it's bad enough with just his wife present in their own bedroom, but now you have two other people present whom you may or may not know well, one of them you're trying desperately to please sexually. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much or little a man is sexually attracted to the partner he's with, something women should always keep in mind. If it's any consolation to your husband, this happens even to seasoned swingers, men who've been doing this for years. The solution? Some say viagra helps, but a key ingrediant is having a RELAXED atmosphere. The few times I've had a problem, we've all stopped and taken a break, then things just happened naturally and I've completed the act every time. In fact the first time it happened, it happened to both myself and the other guy simultaneously, a couple who already had many years on their swinging resume. It was actually pretty funny at the time, me trying to enter his wife with a penis in full retreat, and him trying to accomplish the same with my wife. All turned out well though, eventually. I understand your husband's feelings, believe me. I hope he's willing to try again, and I feel quite confident that once everyone's relaxed enough, he'll achieve full penetration with the other woman just fine. Hope this helps, Dan (on vacation)