Quote:
Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
The Libra side of my personality is taking over here, ES, being able to see it from both sides.
Yes, in some respects, I think you are being a tad defensive when you consider the vast numbers of comments we've seen from couples that have such a hard time separating the "real" single men from the players. If you consider the numbers of responses they get from singles, you might be able to see that they want to really verify you are "for real" rather than wasting a bunch of time on those that aren't. And the same holds true for those that contact you...they want to know. If you are all you say you are, you are definitely in the minority.
The other thing...you want to do the amusing e-mail bit for a time, and can't say that I blame you a tad...getting to know people and such...but again...are they sitting there thinking, "Another single man (or married man) taking up our time with no real intent."
Now the other side...yep and absolutely...you have every right in the world to feel safe and secure and to want to get to know people as much as anyone else does. That is likely the exception for a single man rather than the rule, and as such, people may not quite no how to respond. But with that attitude, and one that I certainly find preferable, comes the risk of people getting bored with the e-mail stuff. A decision you have to make...is it worth the risk of losing contact or them losing interest?
The thing about the cell phone...not a bad idea...you can't be traced too far with that in most cases although it isn't fail safe. Say a Verizon phone number...and I have a friend working for Verizon that has access...Bingo! Saw something similar happen right here in my neighborhood. That said...there will always be inherent risk in all we do from the moment we open our eyes each morning. We have to learn to weigh the risk.
But you know...generally (and I said "generally") you can get an idea of the type of person/people you are dealing with from the basis of their ad and the first e-mail. If that sounds good, and you respond, you might want to say in your first response exactly, in part, what you said here. Most anyone can appreciate those thoughts.
- EBF  |
Point well taken. But I'm not talking about dozens of emails here. I try to lay it out in the first, whether I write someone first or they write me. And I say up front "tell me something about yourself MORE than what positions you like. I want to know something more about you before I decide to call you." I guess that is what throws them off. I find it easy to talk to strangers about nothing, but the people I'm going to have sex with can't be strangers to me anymore. Three members of the first working band I was in contracted HIV after a heroin addict convinced them she wanted a gangbang (I had the flu and went to bed after our last set). My one night stands stopped after I found out one had died and why, and so did taking people at their word when it comes to sex and relationships, especially couples.
No maybe about it, it is just me. But I feel if a couple is secure enough in their relationship to invite me to play, they should be secure enough to tell me little things about themselves. Not neccessarily how long they've been together or what their kids first words were, but things like "I work for a bank and she's a cop, so we have to be extra discreet" or "We live in another country but will be vacationing in the states from April 7 to the 21st" or even "Here's a recent picture of us. You can see why we didn't post it on the web lol." Something that makes them more than just another ad. You know, like everyone says single guys should do when writing someone.
