Quote:
Originally posted by skeghed:
<STRONG> He told me that his biggest fantasy was to see me with another guy - and I had always told him that I didn't want to be with another woman...and that I wouldn't want to see him with another woman. (even though he had pushed the boundries and broke two of the rules that we discussed).
He set up a meeting with a couple from out of town and suprized me with it. It was a horrible experience - Well, anyway neither of us was attracted to them - but I thought I would just do it and see if I could handle it. I didn't experience any jealousy from seeing him screw the other woman - but I think that is because I knew he didn't find her attractive. And I tried looking over at them every once in a while to see if I could be turned on by seeing him with another woman at all - NOTHING!
But now we have been in several MFM's (ALL at his suggestion) and I want to do the couple thing for him. I have a problem, though. I still am not bi and I don't know how I am going to take it if I think the other woman is more attractive than me or if she gives him a better orgasm than me. I would like to think that I could just be jealous for the minute, and be happy that he is getting some pleasure - but I am not sure that I can. I really, really love him and don't want something to screw up what we've got.
He has sincerely apologized for crossing the boundaries before and he has not done it again. He said he thought I was just waiting for him to take the first step. He has also told me that the couples thing is not that big of a deal for him and he would be happy to stick with just doing the MFM thing - or if I am not comfortable with that, then stopping altogether. I do like the MFM thing (c'mon - what woman wouldn't) but truthfully, I could live with it or without it. It is always him who suggests we do it again.
The thing is - I feel guilty
I really feel guilty and feel like I am being a selfish bitch
[ 12-18-2001: Message edited by: skeghed ]</STRONG>
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I am curious as to what boundries were pushed.null
You have no reason to feel guilty. You have expressed your feelings and done nothing to lead him on otherwise. You may feel guilty because he isn't getting exactly what he wants but that is just the way things go sometimes. If he wants a new car and can pay for it then you should let him do it. But if he wants you to jump off a bridge and you don't care to then you just refuse because it is your life.
If you are not bi and have no interest to participate in bi activity you should feel absolutely no obligation to do so.
If you feel jealousy and do not get turned on by watching him with another woman then you don't HAVE to do it.
It is your life and your relationship. You only do things together that you both agree on. So far you have agreed on MMF swinging. He totally was out of line by setting up a couple meeting without your knowledge. Tammy (my better half) would rake me over the coals if I did that.
Tam feels about the same way with me and other women. We have done many MMF's but few couple playing. The ones we did were not that great. Lately she has agreed to try it again though and when we get around to it we will give it a go.
It sounds like you are putting your relationship first and that is the way it should be.
One thing that Tammy seemed to find out about herself in making her decision concerning of including other females into our sex life is that she must totally trust and be friends with the other female. This is super important to her.
She would not however want me to have sex with someone that I am not attracted to and I feel the same about her.
As Julie says every swinger has there own way of swinging. You two need to decide what works for you both. Good Luck...John