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but men having sex with each other was not swinging it was just gay.
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This is the thinking exactly. Women with women isn't lesbian though. Far be it for ME to create or perpetuate a 'double standard' yet I believe this is one applied to the men in these activities.
As has been mentioned in other posts and threads, male on male activity is far more prevalent than is spoken of... kindof an underground component to swinging.
It has to be underground for the protection of people's reputations.... we have seen a couple who stated once that bi males were acceptable to them, and then watched as swinger couples made comments such as the husband was only with her til he found his male soulmate. And this was on a bi positive (male and female) swinger site.
Swinging crosses a funny line in that sex is personal, intimate and private and what goes on behind closed doors stays there...yet.... we talk about it on sites such as this to better understand it.
And some sexuality (bi men) most don't seem to accept.