[frenzb4sex]

Hmmm....I am a little disturbed by this thread. For one, I have always thought that swingers had a bit more openness and capability of being able to put themselves in the other's shoes than most "straights". I mean, for one, in this lifestyle, we are already going against what society has taught us, but yet I see several criticisms of what this other couple's preferences are, simply by what the poster had stated.

Do we know the full story? No. Do we understand the motivation? No. But yet commentary about "red flags" and "cheating with permission", "is this even a couple" is stated without regard.

The reason I state this, is because, quite frankly, we are a seperate room couple. We have been in the lifestyle for going on 5 years and this is what is our preference. I can totally understand from a newbie's standpoint where this may be the inclination at first, because being in a same room atmosphere and having sex all at once can be quite overwhelming, especially for the very first step in the lifestyle. Our mentors recognized this issue and baby stepped us through, where we went from soft swing to seperate room (seperate house, actually, because we were neighbors) to seperate room same house, to same room, to same bed. All of it has its pros and cons, but Lora and I really enjoyed the seperate room the best.

Why?

1) We aren't the voyeuristic type. We don't need to see the other get off for us to get off.

2) We have found that others that tend to be this way could care less about being with us, and we are simply used as props for their enjoyment.--Now that's not saying all are like that-it's been OUR experience from time to time--we aren't stereotyping same roomers.

3) Being in a seperate room environment is less distracting and more intimate.

4) Inhibitions are much less in a seperate room environment, we have found, from both sides.

See, it isn't that we can't handle seeing each other, it's that we ENJOY the seperate room much more. If people are wanting same room, we are fine with that, and we have a great time, regardless. But as WR said, you shouldn't have to accomodate their wishes if yours do not correspond, and leave it at that.

It really is kind of jaw-dropping to see the reaction here. While it's agreeable that everyone is different, we have to respect that some couples are different than what we like. I think that all of the bi couples or bi men out there know what kind of scrutiny they undergo and the stereotypes associated with it. And even though "that's not my bag, baby", we respect the preferences and don't BASH them. The same goes for how single males get treated on occasion--it's an oxymoron to think that we as swingers, who are looked down upon by the rest of the masses, look down upon others.

We don't know all that there is to know, and yes, we have played seperate hotel room first meet as well--now, we did meet and went out and ate and had a great time prior, but we don't know what the full story here is. Perhaps the couple is afraid that if they meet as a foursome previous to the sexual part for any period of time that there will be cold feet again. Plus, the poster did note that they have been talking for months, so it's not as if this is a "blind meeting". It's understandable.

I do understand safety concerns and what not in this day and age, but that's something that only the couples involved can resolve on their own.

Again, let's not judge others lest ye be judged yourself. I apologize if this is a rant, but I was really, really, surprised to see what I read. Perhaps I am reading into it too much, but that's just my 2 (okay maybe 25) cents....

Tim

soapbox