You are asking very good questions, turtles and approaching the prospect of swinging with the right mind set. Those who are successful in this alternative lifestyle, discuss this with their partners and set guidelines together. Keep in mind, what is attractive to you, may not be attractive to another and vise versa. I am particularily impressed with this statement.
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...We want both of us to be really into it...
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And that is EXACATLY how it should be. Please keep in mind, it may take a while to find that single or couple that impresses you, but the wait will be well worth it.