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wrnakedru · 12-18-2003, 03:47 AM

Hubby and I are a full swap same room couple. We don't preclude soft swap couples from those we might like to spend time with, but with qualifications. I.E. - we have no problem with starting off with soft swap with a couple, provided they have not erected a wall there.

And to be completely forthright, we'd far rather a couple restrict initial activity to soft swap than to attempt full swap when one or both are not completely comfortable with the concept. There's nothing that can take pleasure away faster than one who has attempted to accommodate falling apart in the midst of things. And it IS hard to know how you are going to react to something until it actually happens.

As a couple progresses into the lifestyle, they are well advised to take things slowly - - one baby step at a time. It allows for discussion at each stage - and adjustments to be made. Kind of hard to back up to wading in the shallow end of the pool, if the first step has been a jump off the high board into the deep end.

I find it more than a little short-sighted of your husband saying he basically wants it all or nothing. It seems he should realize he stands a far better chance of getting to jump off the high dive if he spends time wading until you too feel comfortable about the idea of the high dive. There's no guarantee you will ever want the high dive - - but I think it will be easier for you to consider it if you've already gotten wet while wading.

In other words, if you have learned from soft swap that no negative repercussions have arisen in your marriage - - and that you found pleasure [rather than pain or jealousy] in viewing his pleasure - - - you are far more likely to consider full swap.

Of course, too, you are speaking of a FMF threesome situation - -I have to wonder if he would be so adamant if the situation were a MFM threesome. What has he expressed regarding that? And how do you feel about it? If you are opposed to intercourse in a MFM threesome as well, you certainly need to be pursuing the "soft swap" scenario with other couples as your playmates rather than threesomes. I haven't seen any ads for those seeking a "soft swap threesome."

12-18-2003, 03:47 AM	#10 (permalink)
wrnakedru Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 1,991 Location: Bliss Status: Female	Stages of "comfort" ..... Hubby and I are a full swap same room couple. We don't preclude soft swap couples from those we might like to spend time with, but with qualifications. I.E. - we have no problem with starting off with soft swap with a couple, provided they have not erected a wall there. And to be completely forthright, we'd far rather a couple restrict initial activity to soft swap than to attempt full swap when one or both are not completely comfortable with the concept. There's nothing that can take pleasure away faster than one who has attempted to accommodate falling apart in the midst of things. And it IS hard to know how you are going to react to something until it actually happens. As a couple progresses into the lifestyle, they are well advised to take things slowly - - one baby step at a time. It allows for discussion at each stage - and adjustments to be made. Kind of hard to back up to wading in the shallow end of the pool, if the first step has been a jump off the high board into the deep end. I find it more than a little short-sighted of your husband saying he basically wants it all or nothing. It seems he should realize he stands a far better chance of getting to jump off the high dive if he spends time wading until you too feel comfortable about the idea of the high dive. There's no guarantee you will ever want the high dive - - but I think it will be easier for you to consider it if you've already gotten wet while wading. In other words, if you have learned from soft swap that no negative repercussions have arisen in your marriage - - and that you found pleasure [rather than pain or jealousy] in viewing his pleasure - - - you are far more likely to consider full swap. Of course, too, you are speaking of a FMF threesome situation - -I have to wonder if he would be so adamant if the situation were a MFM threesome. What has he expressed regarding that? And how do you feel about it? If you are opposed to intercourse in a MFM threesome as well, you certainly need to be pursuing the "soft swap" scenario with other couples as your playmates rather than threesomes. I haven't seen any ads for those seeking a "soft swap threesome."