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Originally posted by Shinjovial
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I know she has fantasies(black men, women) and I've made it clear that it doesn't threaten me and I'm willing to explore things with her. However, she seems content to keep that part of her secret, at least for now.
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Shinjovial, it sounds like you have planted the seed of thought in her mind if nothing else. I agree with Julie, that maybe at this time it's best to back off and slow down a bit. Your wife is obviously thinking about your suggestions and she needs time to mull them over and think about them. Now, you said you know she has fantasies. How? Has she shared them with you? I might also suggest that you watch some porno movies with her....that could get a discussion going. She may get turned on by them. I can identify with you here. My wife is resistant to swinging but through sharing pornos (which she likes as much as I do) and fantasies, we have come to a state which I am satisfied with and I think she is too. At first, when I introduced the idea (years ago) she reacted much like your wife and as time wore on and she learned to TRUST me in that I would not coerce her into anything she didn't want to do she has loosened up on fantasizing about it. I'm in the "cruise mode" so to speak and at this point I know if she ever changes her mind she will bring it up to me, I won't have to bring it up to her. She knows I would go for it, but at the same time I will not push her toward it. I can live with it status quo at this point because I love her dearly and marriage does involve give and take. She's loosened up about fantasizing and I've not pushed her into amking swinging a reality. Nice compromise point at least for me. When I first started on this board about a year ago I had questions much like yours and the friendly people helped me to understand my situation better and become content about it. Good luck to you.