[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by ricndi032903
Well it seems that "Elusive BiFem" doesn't like what I had to say, OH WELL, she has nothing to loose, no SO to leave or have leave HER. But then again, maybe she'll "fall in love with someones SO" like Sadie did. Or maybe a few more marriages will end due to someones over eagerness at trying to "get the wife/husband" into this, when the word NO is not taken seriously.

As usual, you are quite presumptive in all that you say. I feel that I may have even more to lose in this lifestyle than some couples – just given the fact that I am in it – ALONE. As for falling in love with someone? Who would be the big loser there? I would. And what does this say about your personal self-esteem?

And it's true, if each person in the commited relationship are truely happy and content in that relationship and NOTHING is lacking, then there is NO reason to go outside of the relationship on the PYHSICAL level, for sexual satisfaction.

That is only YOUR truth. For others, it varies. Again, your presumptions come into play. Because something is apparently missing in your relationship does not equate to things missing in others relationships. Some people simply enjoy the friendship and sexuality they can share with others.

The wife or husband has EVERY right to refuse to consider this lifestyle if they feel it's intruding on his or her right to a loving, yet faithful relationship. While communicating is great, but if there is any objection to a certain topic, then that topic should be off limits in the act of persuing.

The spouse certainly has the right to refuse, but in most stable and committed and strong relationships, one can talk to the other about absolutely anything…including their desires and fantasies.

You may have have a passion for swinging, but the real passion should be about your wife or husband. Not your fantacies.

Another presumption on your part. Those that I have been fortunate to meet are quite passionate about each other. And part of that passion stems from their ability to share and communicate their desires and fantasies. Keywords: share and communicate

And even though I know I'll be slammed again for daring to say this, but somebody does, "almost" every woman in this lifestyle began by wanting to do this for their men, to make them happy, rather that then have them cheat.... they surely didn't get into this by their own choices.

I don’t know that that is an accurate statement, but assuming it to be, why not post a poll and simply ask the question…How many women continue to participate in this lifestyle because THEY enjoy it. I think you might be surprised at the answers.

It's goes this way, realistly, how many choices do we have, cheat? swing? cheat? swing? Cheat. face the unknown, swing, know what you really don't wanna know. But make the best of it. Or just be a happy couple who is satisfied and content with the one you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Ya know people, that's not such a bad thing......

For your way of thinking, maybe. But again…your presumptions are overwhelming. Reading the board for a year now, I’ve repeatedly noticed others, men and women, stating they would leave the lifestyle in a heartbeat if their spouse decided they didn’t want to participate. Whether you believe it or not, swinging is not the be-all, end-all for most. It is added pleasure to their relationships.

Now on another note, if I had a spouse or significant other to consider, and I was as opposed to swinging as you are, I don’t think I would be hanging around on a message board for swingers, nor would I be giving the mixed messages to my spouse/SO as you have apparently done. Further, if I was as opposed to swinging as you are and my spouse was adamant that we WOULD swing, I would leave. Simple as that. Not because of this single fact, but because he obviously did not think enough of me to respect my wishes and desires. I would know there was a much greater problem in the relationship – one having to do with values. His and mine. I mean, this isn’t like…”I like broccoli and he doesn’t.” However, I don’t think that would be the case. Somehow, I honestly believe I would be more than willing to at least discuss the topic and allow him to have his fantasies. Might I suggest that rather than being so critical of everyone on a Swingers Board and the lifestyle they have chosen for themselves... you spend some time learning about the lifestyle, reading the posts from those that are quite happy and content, and investigating the reasons you are unable to come to grips with and/or communicate with your partner about his desires and fantasies. After all...good relationships are built on communication and compromise.

- EBF

Edit: oh, well...I screwed up the bold stuff...and I worked soooo hard on it. Mrs. O?????

- Mrs. O