Wow. I guess I'm kind of amazed at how quickly the response is "dump him". We're talking about a 3.5 year relationship here. Some indecision about swinging and one insensitive comment is enough to end a relationship? He did say he was willing to drop the swinging idea altogether if they couldn't agree.
3.5 years is enough to get your shit together, in general. Perhaps not all your shit. Admittedly, they were swingers when they met, but single swingers. Neither of them had to deal with the jealousy that sharing your partner entails. If they haven't been swinging as a real, committed couple long that can bring things up that hadn't occurred earlier in the relationship. My point is that, say a couple has been married for 20 years and having issues over swinging for a few months. You wouldn't say "20 years is enough to get your shit together". I didn't see anything in the original post that tells me how long they've been discussing swinging with other people. I got the impression it wasn't the whole time.
Insensitive, derogatory, mean. Call it what you want. I don't live in a fantasy world where everything my wife and I say to each other is always well thought out and supportive. I'm not sure I'd want to. As far as we know this is a one time thing. There's no indication that he says things to her like that on an ongoing basis.
I've seen plenty of relationships that survived far worse than a mean comment and confusion about swinging. I'd hope most could survive it. Even his level of indecision.
I hope I'm not the only one who feels for curious brenda, but at the same time thinks that time and communication are what's needed and not ending the relationship.
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