My husband and I are new. We haven't had any experieince yet, however, we have been doing a ton of research. This forum has been a wealth of information for us and we thank you all !
As far as discussing boundaries, we have. after 25 years of marriage and being together for 34 years total, we learned to discusss EVERYTHING that we do and discuss it even more when it is something as important as this. Nothing is worth ruining all the years we have together.
That said, I wanted to tell you that a couple contacted us last week via an ad we had posted. They seemed very nice and in fact, we had originally thought about contacting them, but they seemed very experieniced and doubted they would want to take a step back. We are only looking for same room sex, right now at least and want to go very slow.
Before this couple contacted us, we had already made arrangements to meet another couple who were also new and wanted the same thing we did (their profile was almost exactly like ours) so I thanked the other couple and explained our situation. Their reply was to tell us that it may not be a good idea to meet with other newbies because neither of us had experience.
I thought that odd because our feeling was that we both knew exactly what we wanted and since neither had experience, we could all be very up front about what we wanted and didn't want, etc. We planned on being honest with this other couple even if it meant we'd never see them again.
We met on Saturday and they were very nice, easy to talk to, in fact it was as though we'd known each other for years. They had the same outlook on everything as we did.
We both wanted to get to know people before anything could happen-if ever. They felt the same and we had a great time that night, just talking and having some drinks.
We will definately meet with them again and we all agreed we are in no hurry for anyting other than frieindship right now and if and when it happens, great, if not, we have found new friends ! People we can talk to about this since neither of us can talk to our other friends, they'd have coronaries!
So my point from a newbie standpoint is, newbies that are nervous and not ready to do a full swap may be better off with people who are new also that are not ready for full swap or an expeieinced couple who are willing to start slow (very slow at times) and not push them. I am sure most don't but I am sure some do. Especially once they meet or at least have the first date that isn't a full swap. they will expect the next date to go further. With the four of us, we know it may never go further and we are fine with that.
Does this make sense?
Anyway, thanks again for allthe great info!
Have a great thanksgiving.