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Ok, so there is only one rule commonly agreed to in swinging: Everyone makes up their own rules.
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I don't think so though -- everyone doesn't make up their own rules. There are certain sets of rules that certain subsets of swingers accept as the
game rules for the day.
In fact,
rules has been the subject of more than a few threads in this forum. It's not the rules of the game that define what is and is not the game but instead the common principles (IMHO)
Example - football. Football remains football whether it is played by a HS, college, or pro team. And yet, there are differing rules in each -- some having greater impact than others. It's not the rules then that define football but instead it's the ball. Maybe also the uniform. Certainly the general layout of the field. These certain commonalities transcend the specific rules of each level of play and allow us to recognize that HS football is essentially the same game as pro football.
In swinging then -- we have a couple (the home team) and some other playmate(s) (the away team). The game can be played with any number of players. The objective of the game is to put a "ball in play" and the winner(s) go home happy.
The same equipment is used whether we have MFM FMF soft-swap group-play what-have-you. The primary equipment is a penis and a vagina. Secondary equipment (toys, mouth, or anus etc...) are usually specified in the pre-game discussion. Bottom line then is that "some sex act is required" in order to be determined to be "swinging"
The playing field layout and the number of players is not requisite for a game. The thing that seems to always transcend
the game rules is that it involves (though not always actively) at least one couple.
Of course, as with anything, we can make this example more or less complicated. We'd still have the same outcome.