[hmr]

Well I really feel like we've been taken to task over this issue after Thursday nights Moderated chat.I wanted to take my time and think though this answer before posting, but here it is.

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

So! Questions:

1. Before your first club and/or play date experience, did you and your SO discuss swinging in any detail? Mind sharing some of the discussion material?

Yes, we did discuss this between ourselves. It all started with a dream on the mrs. part. In the summer our children go to camp for a week, during this time we usually take a few days to "run away" for some time alone.
We had watched an episode of " sex in the city" that night. The next morning, the mrs. told me she had a dream about her, myself and Chris Noth( Mr. Big) having a threesome. It definitely got our juices flowing.
Well ,that led to a lot of discussion on the merits of " swinging" , although we did not know the term at the time. We also did not know any way to find resources or know that there was such a thing as organized swinging.
Now, not knowing that any thing like this existed, how were we to know to find it? I was even a reader of "Penthouse letters" which discusses many of the aspects of swinging, But never said anything about swingers groups.
So, we decided to try to find a third for a MMF playdate. The only way we new to do this was to see if we could pick up someone in a club who may be interested.We agreed that nothing was to be done without the other being present and we would each be there to protect the other. Besides that we really knew none of the questions to answer, never mind to ask and discuss.
Now, does this make us foolsand/or ignorant? Fine if it does, because we were comfortable with it and had each other for backup.In fact after being on this board and seeing the way some people won't play with newbies and some newbies get flamed, had we done all this research, I'm not sure if we would be swinging at all yet.
It seems that a lot of the discussions here are about the problems people have in swinging instead of the good things pertaining to it.

2. Before the club and/or play date, did you do any online research? Other type of research? Did you have a relatively accurate concept of what swinging was and what it was about?

Only after the above experience did we find some of the old style swinging mags and even looked at ads in porn bookstores to find others. This did lead to us finding one ad site on the net which only ( at first ) added to the confusion instead of answering questions. Fortunately, we did find a phone number of someone in the area who was very open and supportive and helped to answer SOME of the questions we had. Again, though, we did not know all the questions to ask.
They did tell us of a swing party held at one of the local hotels which we did attend. We had absolutely no idea what to expect when we got there. Now we did have some relatively freindly people who spoke with us there, however , we ended up with some "sharks" for lack of a better term. Not until we got in to a room with them did we realize he was impotent and she was very bi.
Not having discussed this possibility at all, we did NOT know to stop there. We were also hell bent to try out swinging, so like a lot of others we have met since, we went places we were not ready for. It was during this that the mrs. ended up with a womans head between her legs. Her eyes had been closed. When they opened she kind of freaked, but , not understanding the swinging etiquette, she kind of went along.
Was it a mistake? Sure it was. In fact, because of this we backed out of swinging for 2 years. It was only after we got the confidence that we will control things that we got back in to the lifestyle.

3. Before the club, etc., did you establish your personal boundaries? (and yes, we know they change with experience, but did you have some boundaries established going in?

As you can see above they were only very limited boundaries because there were some things we were not expecting. By the time we got back in , yes they were fully established.

4. Did any of ya'll just walk into a club or social or other type of situation feeling totally unaware of what swinging was about?

See above. Also, we did go to a carolina friends party at a "gentlemans club" with no real idea as to how it worked.

Any other Information you would care to share?

Yes. Are we "guilty" of going in blind. I guess you could say we did. However there is a lot to be said for not overanalyzing things to the point of not doing anything. In the navy we called it analysis paralysis- you analyze so much, you never do anything. I read some posts in here and IM some new people who seem to be wanting to try, but have been cautioned so much, they are never going to take the "plunge".
Read BettAnnMBSC's post

I think had we discussed it prior and set out to make it happen--it never would have happened.We would have chickened out.The way it began it just happened

This is exactly my point. After the 11/13 chat iWe spoke with another couple who has been on this board for some time. They seem to be stuck in the discussion phase forever. If we had talked all aspects of it to death or even found this board first I think we still would just be talking.
So my point is, for the newbies here, go for it. Will you have some experiences that are not perfect? YES. Can you like we did , turn it into some of the best learning experiences? Definitely yes. Were it not for the ones that got us to ask questions we would not be as comfortable now as we are.
Just like in life, all things are not going to go as planned. Now , you can either plan your life to death and never DO anything but plan, or you can experience things as they are and go on from there. Were it not for me being willing to "plunge in " when I do not have all the answers, I would not now be in my 8th year of owning my own business.
Sorry so long, but that is my best explaination.

Mr hmr