[Elusive BiFem]

I understand, I think, what you are saying, but first, please remember that what you consider to be "crap" and wanting to "live a normal life" is different for different folks. You may enjoy eating liver and I think it is repulsive and "not normal." But somehow, lots of places sell liver and onions. Those of us that enjoy multiple partners and swinging are living our "normal life."
That choice of words...demeaning my choice of lifestyle...immediately conjures up a defensive mode.

I really don't mean to be rude in tone - sincerely - and I know I don't know all the conversations that may have taken place between the two of you, but if you have approached him with the type attitude you came across with in this post, implying or stating that his ideas and/or fantasies are "abnormal," that might be one of the major problems in trying to get him to see things the way you would like for him to see them...your way. Your values. Your standards.

You feel that touching, time spent with others, etc., is taking something away from you. You are certainly entitled to think and feel that way, but many of us don't. Do you feel that way when he goes to a ballgame with other guys? Plays golf with other guys? Maybe dances with the female half of the couple you've gone to dinner with as you dance with the male half? But you see, that is the way some of us think of swinging. It is physical pleasure only...feeling good. It doesn't involve the same emotional bonds and commitments of the relationship with ones spouse or SO.

There may be wives and SO's that have stood up and said hell no. Most likely, they don't post here.

Now that being said, one of the primary gains from swinging, or even considering the idea of swinging, is a great sense of trust and communication that can come from the discussions leading up to (and following in some cases) the suggestion of swinging. There are some people on this board that would be quick to tell you there wife is against it, but still, their ability to communicate and trust each other was enhanced by the discussions.

You seem to be having significant problems, maybe feeling that the idea is being forced on you, and I can certainly appreciate that feeling. I would think that the first step for the two of you would be to recognize some possible communication deficits and work on that. If you learn to appreciate and respect each others opinions, you will have gained immensely whether you ever swing or not. And that is what swinging is really about.

- EBF