I've read this a couple of times and can't quite get all the timelines straight.
Childbirth 6 years ago, episotomy problems for 3 years and no sex? None?
So after the 3 years pass, and you want to resume your sex life, she gives you friction. (I must say, you are a very patient man.)
Ok...so after another 2-1/2 - 3 years of this existence with "friction" you are having sex 1-2 times/week when she suddenly wants to swing. Just out of the blue.
Swinging takes place with this other couple..."That went great she did him and her but when I tried to do something with my wife, she pushed me away." She explained she felt funny seeing you with another woman...so that is the reason she pushed you away?
And this woman that suggested swinging with friends finally got "fully naked" with you but requires you to take baby steps? Your wife of 6 years is finally getting fully naked with you? But wants to swing with others? And will now slowly let her guard down with you? But wants an open relationship? And tells you that you are being manipulative?
I'm sitting here shaking my head in amazement...incredulous.
I know you came here seeking advice and/or wanting some feedback. But let me ask you...what do you want out of this relationship and what do you think you are getting? Where do you see a relationship like this going? What do you think she really wants out of the relationship?
Reading this...just the facts as you presented them...I can't help but believe your wife has some serious issues with ya'lls relationship. I see that you've tried to clarify several different points, but maybe you need to clarify some others so I can make sense of this. I'm like naughty A...this may be the beginning of the end. - EBF
