Although I would agree that the definition of "chemistry" or "attraction" is extremely subjective - and varies not only from person to person as to the definition, but can vary for one person so much that it would be impossible to say one particular "look" is their top most criteria.
Both of my husbands have been bald (or close enough that is what most would call them) and while I do find it enormously attractive when a man conveys self-confidence regardless of physical traits others may not appreciate - - I cannot truthfully say I find a head of hair an UN-attractive feature on a man.
There are very few "no compromise" things I simply cannot get past in people - and so no matter what positive attributes they may possess - if they have conveyed one of my "no way" traits - it's just not going to ever work for me. My hubby has a very few on his "no compromise" list as well - - we each understand, recognize and respect the others list, since it is very short.
Some people are very photogenic and their photos even compliment them. I am [I feel] not among those - and always hope folks will give me the opportunity to "shine" in person, rather than reject me from a photo. With all of us, photogenic or not, - personality, presentation, expression, humor, intelligence, kindness, sincerity, similar interests, attitude - are SO much more a reflection of us - who and what we are - that our photos can ever convey.
So for me (and my hubby), since we seek those we can share friendship with FIRST - as a prerequisite for intimate sharing - those aspects speak volumes. Not to say there haven't been some photos we have received that we have not just had to look at one another and say - "It ain't happening for me." That will happen, of course. It is most often the case when one (or sometimes both) unfortunately display something from our "little lists". Or lack the ability to so much as smile in a photo they are sending to convey themselves to us. Or - if there email further expounds something left unsaid in their profile, and makes them a non-match.
But if what we have read seems equitable, they are smiling in their photos, and seem to possess some humor and intelligence - we are agreeable to meet them. [They must understand our "no first date" stuff is not a come-on, just a simple fact]
Sometimes it doesn't take long to figure out there is no future to the relationship, by any definition. And we try to always have a rational reason for the meeting being cut short at say, 45 minutes or so. [anything less is too blatantly rude, we think] On a rare and wonderful occasion, you feel like you could sit and talk on and on - - like you are meeting old friends, but with the fun of finding out all about each other, because you're new friends. And it is amazing how fast the time has passed. [I recall an almost 5 hour "lunch" meeting with a smile]
Don't hold yourself to thinking someone is going to bowl you over and make your breath come in short gasps of excitment. There is a process of becoming acquainted that should be respected - and you will be delighted when you find those you thought not "sexy" [or whatever your thoughts may have been] - to become that and more once dimension has been added to their personality with a "face to face" no pressure meeting.
No one is ever going to strike you with the same level of intensity of emotion that your husband does - nor should they. I think that would be an indication of something wrong on the home front if that DID happen. But a genuine "liking" of someone is a very good thing - and a desire to know more - and spend more time together is a very reliable indication of "attraction" or "chemistry".
Don't expect to KNOW for certain about chemistry/attraction until and unless you have met someone. If they have "fit" your basic criteria, whatever those may be, you [and they] deserve the opportunity to know one another further. If there is a basis for friendship, well, hell, girl - that's a pretty good place to start, isn't it?
You can always find a reason to reject anyone or everyone - you need to give yourself an opportunity to find those who are not worthy of your rejection. It also should help assist your comfort level. If nothing further ends up transpiring - you will at the very least made some delightful new friends.
Just my thoughts/opinions.
Good luck! Relax, and allow for the chance to have a nice time.
