Quote:
Originally posted by Tarnished Halo
To clarify the situation, we received a photo of a couple, who I am sure are very nice,however, I am not the least interested in playing with them. I find my husband one of the most exciting and handsome men I have ever met, so I am a bit spoiled that I have one of the best, but was wondering if perhaps I am holding people to this "standard"? I understand that there are people who would look at MY photo and "pass" and I am certainly allright with that. Not swinging yet, I am just not sure and hope that you can all understand my uncertainty. Ideally, a young male model would suit me just fine, but he wouldn't be interested in me! Again...I am allright with that. I just don't know if I should be looking for the personality side of people, or if I should just go with the physical attraction. |
Hi Tarnished! Each time I see one of your posts, it brings up mixed feelings for me. On one hand, I wonder why you are still pursuing this when it seems to be such a difficult struggle for you. On the other hand, I have to give you a great deal of credit for continuing to struggle with it. Does that make any sense at all?
In regard to your original question, I am much like Chicup and others in that I think it somewhat odd that you are questioning the chemistry aspect of attraction. The chemistry of sexual attraction is an entirely unique thing to each individual and I don't think any of us can define that for another. And sometimes, not even for ourselves. You know, you might take two identical men and stand them side-by-side, and from the physical standpoint, they are attractive. But when you get into the personalities, intelligence, ability to communicate, their ideas, philosophies...just many, many factors...one may become far more "attractive" than the other. Sometimes it's things we can't even define. Pheromones? Maybe. But whatever the reaction, it will always be unique to you or me or anyone else.
As for the second part of your question...for most of us, pictures are nice but only to the extent of determining if the person in question holds any possibility of physical attraction. A photo is a flat, one-dimensional (or is it 2?) portrayal of a person. It tells you very little. Just a few years ago, I visited a foreign country and toured one of the most famous sites on earth. I was sorely disappointed. In the photos that I had seen for many years, it looked fascinating, exotic, breathtaking...and I could hardly wait to arrive. However, when I actually visited the site, I was stunned at how really awful looking it was and felt almost deceived by the photos I had seen. In reality, it looked just like the photos I had seen, but when viewed in the harsh daylight with layers of dirt and trash and hoards of people, the beauty and mystique vanished.
People are the same way. For many of us, we have to get to know the person and as we do, the sexual attraction or chemistry develops. Or it doesn't. All of us can say we like the tall, dark, handsome and buff type. But look around you. Why are some people married to or involved with the short, fair, not so handsome, flabby type? I'd dare say that not a single one of those women involved with that type would tell you, "Oh, yeah...I just get all quivery over a short, fair, ugly, flabby man!" That is where that chemistry or attraction comes into play.
For most, we have to meet and talk to and get to know others before we can really say we feel any attraction and/or chemistry.
The other thing I wonder about with you - after reading your many posts and seeing your struggles. Do you really think you are ever going to find anyone attractive or appealing? I can't help but wonder. Seems that you have been opposed to the idea of swinging from the beginning and if so, I don't think you will ever locate a person or couple with whom you feel any type of chemistry. It's been said a million times, but swinging isn't for everone and that is just as much OK as it is for the sun to come up every morning. Swinging, and the anticipation of same, should be fun, exciting, stimulating...when it becomes work, it just isn't worth it. I somehow think you need to examine, very, very closely, your relationship with your husband and his relationship with you. If you are being led to this against your personal grain, there are issues between the two of you than need resolution before you can even consider swinging. You will never be happy, he will never be happy, any couple you become involved with will never be happy...and I'm just afraid problems will develop that might have no resolution in the end. - EBF
