I'm sorry, but there is something about this situation that smells to me.
First off, I've never been able to understand this "soft swap" thing. For one thing, it's not swapping at all. You are just having sex with your own partner while another couple watches you/you watch them. Sounds more like voyeurism/exhibitionism to me. We have always been of the opinion that if you want to swing, then by God swing. But I suppose this comes under the heading of "different strokes" and all that, silly as it seems to us.
However, with regards to the incident described here, there appears to be a raging double standard here. It's all well and good to go on about "boundaries", guidelines and rules, etc. But first Ann says it was agreed that the play would be "soft swap" only (that is, no swapping at all). Then she admits that, lo and behold, she and the other woman did, in fact, play, and she thinks (huh?) everyone had a good time.
Then the next weekend rolls around, and the other woman getting a snootfull notwithstanding, suddenly the ante is raised; it's not "soft swap" anymore, but full swap is suggested by the other woman, and my impression is that Ann's hubby was amenable to the idea. However, Ann is "dumbfounded" because the rule was supposed to be "our partners only".
But wait a minute. Ann has already admitted that it has NOT been "soft swap, our partners only". She and the other woman have had sex on their previous encounter. That is, FULL SWAP. So right there, by her own actions, the boudaries have been shown to be pliable...at least when Ann wants them to be. (And please don't try to tell me that, just because it wad f2f bi play, that it really was not full swap. I don't give a rat's ass what the gender of the play partner was; if said partner was not your spouse, that's swapping, period.)
I'm not forgetting the behavior of the other woman, particularly where HER husband is concerned. While this is not discussed, one wonders how HE felt about this, especially since, as it turns out, he can't get it up anyway (which is another issue entirely).
However, I find the complaint about boundaries being pushed out of bounds to be disingenuous in the extreme. This has the look and feel of "what's mine is mine (Ann's), and what is yours is negotiable...if I feel like it". Sorry, but that dog won't hunt.
Both of you need to go back to the drawing board on this one, and establish some REAL boundaries, boundaries that EVERYONE can live with comfortably, amd more importantly, equitably.
-- Bear
(OK, my shields have been raised; let the flames begin... flamethrow
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