Quote:
Originally posted by Ditto
The wife of the couple started using alcohol, The more she drank
Needless to say we ended the evening not doing anything, and told them that we might be able to get together next weekend. So now I am wondering how to handle the situation, Should we get together again knowing that they are trying to push our boundries out of bounds OR.... ?
Thanks,
Ann |
Hi Ann, and welcome to the Board.
Unfortunately, alcohol has been the cause of more than one unhappy swinging experience for many of us. If you've had the opportunity to read the Forums, you will see that most people highly recommend the use of alcohol be limited and especially for new swingers.
If I decided to proceed with this particular couple, I would do so with a great deal of caution. They (she) has already demonstrated the fact that the prior discussions on boundaries, etc., mean little to her. And what about your own husband? It seems that he participated in the flirting and touchy feely thing. Maybe you and he need to have more serious discussions related to your own boundaries.
How do you feel about what happened? You mentioned you and the other husband sat there discussing the weather and his inability to achieve an erection, but you don't mention how this entire situation made you feel. Are you interested in a full swap at a later time? How does your husband feel about it? Have ya'll made the opportunity to discuss your feelings about what happened and what you may want in the future?
All of these questions need to be answered before you decide to spend more time with this couple. We all change our boundaries from time to time depending on circumstances and experiences, but that is something that needs to be well thought out and discussed prior to putting others in compromising situations.
For me personally, I think I would find it difficult to get together with this couple again if only because my personal comfort level had been trounced and because I would be somewhat untrusting of this other woman and her motives. While alcohol may have contributed to her actions, that is her problem and a handy excuse. Don't allow it to be made your problem.
Swinging can be a great deal of fun, but only when everyone is on the same page. Seems that ya'll are being put in the position of taking a giant leap from your first experience and wanting a soft swing experience to full swap. Before making any final decision, I would suggest serious discussion with Mr. Ditto and maybe a "joint reading" of the Board, particularly the section on New Swingers. Boundaries need to be established and adhered to by all. As I mentioned, they are changed from time to time, but generally, it is unwise to make those changes in the "heat of the moment." Too often, those types of pur of the moment changes result in miscommunication and hurt feelings.
Again, I'm glad you have found this Board and I'm certain the experiences of others will help you find the perfect comfort level for you and your husband. I hope both of you will spend some time here with us, reading, learning, and sharing.
- EBF
