When I first read and posted on this thread, I agreed...tell all, honesty is the best policy, etc.
After I read Bear's earlier post and thought about it, I tend to agree with him in most respects. While not advocating dishonesty - ever - I also believe there are occasions when it is best not to share certain things that may be potentially painful to others. If this was a fluke - one time happening or something that happened as the result of too much alcohol - why risk a marriage for something that isn't going to happen again. Or if it is a fantasy that he will keep and probably not act on - again, no need to tell, assuming her reaction might be negative.
In hfinster01's original post, tho', he said,
Quote:
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My problem is know I am fixated on not swinging per se but having a steamy afternoon with Mr. 2 again. Am I bi or just bi-curious. I did not tell wife about the BJ i gave just the straight sex.
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That sort of changes things. Should he decide this is an activity he would like to pursue, he probably does need to share his "thoughts" with his wife. No...not, "Hey honey. I'm bi and be damned with your feelings on the subject and I plan to get with Mr. So and So as soon as I can." But more along the lines of feeling her out about her take on the subject. What does she think about the idea? What is her reaction to the suggestion of being bi? If negative, and this is something he wants to pursue, then there are other issues that need to be addressed. If she is lukewarm, they can explore their fantasies together and see where it leads them. If she is enthusiastic about the idea - great!
Finsters original question was "am I bi or just bi-curious?" Does a single experience make you either-or? The thrill of the moment, the excitement, the uniqueness of the experience...I can see where one might think they are bi. This is something he needs to give a lot of thought to and only he can answer - ultimately. But until he makes that final decision, why risk harm to what he has built with his wife? The only thing I would advise, in the end, is do not act on your impulses again until you have given serious consideration to all aspects. If you seek "steamy afternoons" with this other man, that will throw you into the "cheaters" category and few of us like cheaters. Just my opinions -EBF
