Quote:
Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
So my question is this: how is it any different in terms of sizing someone up for separate playtime after being part of a couple as opposed to being single? A serious question that I've really wondered about. |
As I spent well over 10 years single as an adult...let's see if I can explain this and not make myself sound like an idiot.
During my single years, I was raising children and had absolutely NO desire to be in a relationship. Basically when I got to the point that I needed sex then, it was not only carefully planned but those that I did have sex with...most likely it only happened once. I didn't have very many of these encounters, but I essentially used them for sex. And to be quite honest about, they did me too. We were friends and just always chalked it up to a 'wild night', would laugh about it and it never happened again. We preferred our friendship over a casual affair, and we weren't compatible 'marriage' wise. Only once did it attempt to turn into something further...but that is a whole other story and doesn't fit in here.
After I met my husband and we committed ourselves to each other, sex with others was out of the question, for me. Well naturally all that changed.
However, as when I was single I KNEW, KNEW my partners, all of them for many years. It's pretty hard to get to know people in that same respect over a few exchanges of email or even a couple of phone conversations or a few meetings. This is where we made our mistake. We had NO idea how these people lived and conducted their daily lives. We didn't work with them, they hadn't been friends for years, etc. Sure we knew some general stuff, but not the kind of information that gives you an overall view of them. Even six months of spending time with them, every few weeks, gave us no indication and some really weird stuff started coming out. The signs were there, we just didn't recognize them. We are defintely wiser now. We were WAY to dependent on the idea that EVERYONE who swings, knows that NO means NO. I shoulda given the guy a shot of my knee that would have put him into the middle of next week but I was so shocked and stunned. I had never had anyone do that to me.
So now, our swing friends will only be those that we have come to KNOW over time. Period. No free lancing, no meeting with virtual strangers and having a romp in the hay. Separate rooms? We will have to know them very well to do that. But then, hey...that's just us and that is what 'works' for us.