[yawanna]

Just an example of shit that can happen. To accuse does not automatically make anyone guilty, nor does it make the one accused guilty. Communication needs to be deeper than old wife cliches.

First off: when I asked him about the women he was talking to online and what were they talking about? and this was the result of the women asking ME what was HE talking about.....and his response was - 'hey....are you cheating on me???'

I guess I should have been more clear......

He was cheating on me. No one told me he was until AFTER I found out. And by then he had been kicked to the curb.

He tolerates it but doesn't like it. In order to "get even", he does it

' get even' is not tolerating. And in swinging... it's not about toleration, or compromise IMHO. It's about doing something that works for you both, and NOT doing something that works for one at the expense of the other.

In swinging..there is no 'middle ground'. It works for both or it's bad for one. no grey area.

If my partner said, " I'm not going to swing until you act the way I want you to", now we have a problem. I would take that like a mother saying you can't have candy unless you act right. If it weren't swinging then what? Sex in general? That is not the way to most mens hearts or minds.

Who the heck suggested THAT?

It's just bad form, and judgment, and misdirected attempts at problem solving relationships to get into swinging when the couple are less than 'solid' with each other and their relationship.

If her man there doesn't want her 'chatting' online with men and she doesn't like him telling her this while HE continues to chat up women online.. to me.. this is a red flag... take a time out. Stop getting into other areas with other people that are causing one or both of you distress in your primary relationship.

Take a break. Swinging is extraneous to the core relationship. And be responsible to others. Don't drag them into something they shouldn't be involved in ie: the couple and their relationship. Isn't that sacred land in swinging?