Just a couple of observations.
No. 1. If someone thinks you are cheating that does not necessarily mean the accuser is cheating. It may mean it, but not always. Sometimes there is an unknown factor involved just as an example. My wife's sister tried to stir up some shit with us once by telling me that my wife was seeing some guy. She made me promise not to tell her she said it. That was a mistake. I accused her of being with so and so and could not back up my claim. She said "the accuser is usually the guilty one" and that started a real snowball. We made it through by compromising. She agreed to stop hanging with him if I told her why I felt I felt the way I did. Needless to say, her sis no longer trusted me, but that was the way I set my personal priorities.
Just an example of shit that can happen. To accuse does not automatically make anyone guilty, nor does it make the one accused guilty. Communication needs to be deeper than old wife cliches.
No. 2. What may seem perfectly harmless to one can be a threat to another. Suppose Azwild's hubby thinks flirting online is threatening. He tolerates it but doesn't like it. In order to "get even", he does it. Suddenly he finds himself in a situation he can't handle. Now he is defensive, offensive and stressed out.
I think the key word is compromise in any relationship. To advise to use swinging or lack thereof as a means of solving the problem in my opinion is unwise. I woulnd't stop doing anything. I would start talking though. If my partner said, hey I don't want to swing anymore, because I find it to be excessive, stressfull or just plain boring then no problem, we don't swing.
If my partner said, " I'm not going to swing until you act the way I want you to", now we have a problem. I would take that like a mother saying you can't have candy unless you act right. If it weren't swinging then what? Sex in general? That is not the way to most mens hearts or minds.
John
|