It sounds like perhaps you all did not lay out the ground rules sufficiently before playing. Of course, being newbies, you are still on a steep learning curve.
It's very important to make sure that ALL concerned are aware of what EVERYONE is expecting to get out of the situation. If you are expecting to have sex with the other woman, then say so, and well before the action starts. If she is more interested in having sex with your wife than you, or in some other permutation that doesn't give you the attention you feel you are entitled to, then seek your fun elsewhere.
Now, we all know that it's the women who call the shots in these situations, but the fact remains that you are there to have fun as well as everyone else. Bunny and I have a hard and fast rule about this sort of thing; if she plays, I play. If I don't get to play, for whatever reason, then she does not play, period. And the couples we play with understand this, too. This "fifth wheel" crap is one dog that does not hunt (unless, of course, you are like some people who are into being just a voyeur, in which case, whatever floats your boat, ol' son...
The main thing is to make sure everyone understands all the ground rules ahead of time; that everyone knows what everyone else's expectations are. This will go a long way towards keeping this from happening in the future.
As for Dionysis, I've got a news flash for you. The simple fact is that anywhere from 2/3 to 3/4 of the couples that swing, ARE NOT INTERESTED IN PLAYING WITH SINGLE MALES. As a rule, the women (who, again, call the shots in this), already have all the cock they need in the usual swinger's arena to start with, between their husband/boyfriend and the male half of the other couple or couples they are playing with. They don't NEED any other guys hanging around hitting on them.
Yes, there is that other 1/4 to 1/3 of swinger couples who do have an interest in single males. BUT, these are in a decided minority of swinger couples, and it is most definitely a buyer's market. In other words, most of these couples can and do pick and choose the single males they want to play with. So if you want to be chosen by one of these couples, you had better bring something special to the table, mainly be very good looking and/or be packing the Dick of Death, be able to touch your tongue to your forehead or whatever, if you want to be seriously considered.
The sad fact is (and I have seen nothing in my years of swinging to disabuse me of this notion) that most single men try to inject themselves into the swinging lifestyle because they think that there are a lot of easy lays out here among the womenfolk (and what a crock that is), and/or they have some personality or character flaw that makes finding a single female to play with difficult for them.
I figure it has to be something like this, because I just finished seven years as a single male out here (the swinging I did was always as a couple, with a lady friend of mine), and I can assure you that when it comes to single women, it is raining soup, grab yourself a fucking bucket!
And if a mean, nasty bastard like me can get laid as much as I did these past several years, then by God the rest of you pudknockers can, too. And without trying to impose yourselves into a lifestyle where your chances of scoring are even poorer than in the singles scene, which is where you should be concentrating your energy in the first place.
Sorry for getting off topic, but if I hear one more single guy whining about how tough it is to get with a swinger female(s), blah, blah, ad nauseam...
-- Bear