The Swingers Board - View Single Post - The risks of even bringing up swinging with your partner?

Rabbyt · 07-17-2003, 09:52 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
Hi Rabbyt (and Buck, too). First, let me insert the caveat that I am NOT married or involved so I'm not coming at this from the perspective of a *wife*. But I am *old* and female, so that counts for something.

I'm really interested in females points of view on this. I think it helps me get a better perspective on it. And btw, I would rather call you *wise* and female.

I think it would be terribly shocking to be in a long-term marriage or relationship and have my partner suddenly bring up the idea of swinging. I also believe that I would immediately start questioning myself and the relationship

We have been together for 6 years so it's been reasonably long-term. I think you might be right about her reaction. She can be a little insecure at times. She is quite a bit younger than me, she is a knockout to look at, slim, sexy, great figure and yet she often has a poor self-image of herself. I have to constantly tell her that she is so beautiful, not fat at all (she weighs 48kg and is 160cm tall) as if I have to convince her. I have bought her clothes that are a little sexy and she says she'll wear them for me but also says she's not good enough to wear them just out. She's wrong!

She needs to get there on her own - with little nudges by you - just enough to start opening one door at a time.

That's exactly what I would love to happen, where with some nudges I could get her to somehow bring up the topic asking me for my thoughts on it. I would be totally honest with her if I could get that to happen as her asking would be showing some potential interest in it. I guess im saying that would be the best case, though I've got to be prepared to raise it myself at some stage if it seems she never will. Otherwise I'd never know if she was just too scared to raise it.

Massage. There are massage therapists that will make house calls. Although not erotic massage, the after effects may be quite erotic and stimulating and open the door for sharing of fantasies regarding the involvement of others.

She actually loves to get massages and has done so a few times. One of her other birthday presents will be a 4 hour pampering at a Jurlique Salon. I actually organised this before i even read that book and started my interest in Swinging.

Of course, the porn idea is good, too, but depending on what you've done in the past, that might bring on negative comments or questions.

I actually thought we'd never watched porn together, but we actually somewhat have. On holidays, we've had a hotel pay TV on a Porn channel in Europe and it was pretty bad so we weren't really watching it but it excited us enough to make love and take pictures of each other. She also asked me to take her to Sexpo (an adult exhibition) 3 years ago and I bought her a pair of Wicked Weasel bikinis there. There is a Sexpo going to be here in November, so I'm going to ask her this time to go with me.

Also, there were some earlier threads on swapping/swinging on TV.

I'll certainly look out for those.

Have you ever visited a local adult bookstore together? That can be a ton of fun and can really open up communication.

No, I think this one maybe we could do a bit further down the track of exploring things.

Start doing things out of the ordinary for your relationship. Why not surprise her one night by planning an early evening picnic with a little erotic play thrown in for dessert? Again, opening the door to adventuresome play.

I love this idea. we can be in the countryside after a drive of about an hour and I can just imagine stopping the car, going into the fields away from the road and spreading a blanket. There would be the hint that we could be caught even if that was only a remote chance. And knowing her, I think she would absolutely love it.

Does she dress sexy - ever? Or like most of us - fall into bed at night in the old but comfortable t-shirt? Maybe coming home with a special gift - sexy nightie or something? Maybe even some on-line shopping together. That could be fun.

When on holidays, she had a wild time in the New York Victoria Secret on 6th Avenue and I have since then ordered from their catalogues for her a few times. I have bought teddies and babydolls and she does love them. Especially the teddy that has a rip open crotch. She was eager for us to try that out. I would like to see her dress sexier for general wear and I think she would too but her self esteem has been a barrier somewhat.

In the end, it will be an idea you came to together.

This is exactly what I'd like to achieve as I think if we felt it was a totally joint decision, we're much more likely to have fun and enjoy doing it.

Thanks for all your thoughts. They've been a real help!

07-17-2003, 09:52 AM	#12 (permalink)
Rabbyt Active Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 20 Location: Australia Status: Couple	Re: Just Take Baby Steps [QUOTE]Originally posted by Elusive BiFem Hi Rabbyt (and Buck, too). First, let me insert the caveat that I am NOT married or involved so I'm not coming at this from the perspective of a wife. But I am old and female, so that counts for something. I'm really interested in females points of view on this. I think it helps me get a better perspective on it. And btw, I would rather call you wise and female. I think it would be terribly shocking to be in a long-term marriage or relationship and have my partner suddenly bring up the idea of swinging. I also believe that I would immediately start questioning myself and the relationship We have been together for 6 years so it's been reasonably long-term. I think you might be right about her reaction. She can be a little insecure at times. She is quite a bit younger than me, she is a knockout to look at, slim, sexy, great figure and yet she often has a poor self-image of herself. I have to constantly tell her that she is so beautiful, not fat at all (she weighs 48kg and is 160cm tall) as if I have to convince her. I have bought her clothes that are a little sexy and she says she'll wear them for me but also says she's not good enough to wear them just out. She's wrong! She needs to get there on her own - with little nudges by you - just enough to start opening one door at a time. That's exactly what I would love to happen, where with some nudges I could get her to somehow bring up the topic asking me for my thoughts on it. I would be totally honest with her if I could get that to happen as her asking would be showing some potential interest in it. I guess im saying that would be the best case, though I've got to be prepared to raise it myself at some stage if it seems she never will. Otherwise I'd never know if she was just too scared to raise it. Massage. There are massage therapists that will make house calls. Although not erotic massage, the after effects may be quite erotic and stimulating and open the door for sharing of fantasies regarding the involvement of others. She actually loves to get massages and has done so a few times. One of her other birthday presents will be a 4 hour pampering at a Jurlique Salon. I actually organised this before i even read that book and started my interest in Swinging. Of course, the porn idea is good, too, but depending on what you've done in the past, that might bring on negative comments or questions. I actually thought we'd never watched porn together, but we actually somewhat have. On holidays, we've had a hotel pay TV on a Porn channel in Europe and it was pretty bad so we weren't really watching it but it excited us enough to make love and take pictures of each other. She also asked me to take her to Sexpo (an adult exhibition) 3 years ago and I bought her a pair of Wicked Weasel bikinis there. There is a Sexpo going to be here in November, so I'm going to ask her this time to go with me. Also, there were some earlier threads on swapping/swinging on TV. I'll certainly look out for those. Have you ever visited a local adult bookstore together? That can be a ton of fun and can really open up communication. No, I think this one maybe we could do a bit further down the track of exploring things. Start doing things out of the ordinary for your relationship. Why not surprise her one night by planning an early evening picnic with a little erotic play thrown in for dessert? Again, opening the door to adventuresome play. I love this idea. we can be in the countryside after a drive of about an hour and I can just imagine stopping the car, going into the fields away from the road and spreading a blanket. There would be the hint that we could be caught even if that was only a remote chance. And knowing her, I think she would absolutely love it. Does she dress sexy - ever? Or like most of us - fall into bed at night in the old but comfortable t-shirt? Maybe coming home with a special gift - sexy nightie or something? Maybe even some on-line shopping together. That could be fun. When on holidays, she had a wild time in the New York Victoria Secret on 6th Avenue and I have since then ordered from their catalogues for her a few times. I have bought teddies and babydolls and she does love them. Especially the teddy that has a rip open crotch. She was eager for us to try that out. I would like to see her dress sexier for general wear and I think she would too but her self esteem has been a barrier somewhat. In the end, it will be an idea you came to together. This is exactly what I'd like to achieve as I think if we felt it was a totally joint decision, we're much more likely to have fun and enjoy doing it. Thanks for all your thoughts. They've been a real help!