Hi Rabbyt (and Buck, too). First, let me insert the caveat that I am NOT married or involved so I'm not coming at this from the perspective of a *wife*.
But I am *old* and female, so that counts for something.
I think it would be terribly shocking to be in a long-term marriage or relationship and have my partner suddenly bring up the idea of swinging. I also believe that I would immediately start questioning myself and the relationship - which would only make for hard feelings and cause me to throw up a wall that might not be penetrable (if that is a word). Also, most of us settle into a marriage "forsaking all others, etc." so the idea of sharing with others outside those boundaries is initially shocking, to say the least - even when it is our own thought.
I hesitate to say this, but many people would find the idea of sexual sharing almost "abnormal," if you will. I know that I did, initially. Therefore, that is part of the thought process that has to be turned around, but it can't be done by someone (you) telling her that it is "normal" or "exciting" or "whatever." She needs to get there on her own - with little nudges by you - just enough to start opening one door at a time.
Knowing that everyone's circumstances are different, I would suggest a few "soft" activities that might start opening those doors if only for a peek.
Massage. There are massage therapists that will make house calls. Although not erotic massage, the after effects may be quite erotic and stimulating and open the door for sharing of fantasies regarding the involvement of others.
Of course, the porn idea is good, too, but depending on what you've done in the past, that might bring on negative comments or questions. If you've never watched porn together, you would probably want to start with something really soft and work towards the harder stuff. Also, there were some earlier threads on swapping/swinging on TV. Watching something like that together would be a perfect lead in for discussion and sharing. That might also enable you to suggest the idea of visiting an off-premesis club.
Have you ever visited a local adult bookstore together? That can be a ton of fun and can really open up communication. WOW!! I saw things there that I didn't even know existed! Not the sort of place I have an interest in visiting often, but it was fun one night just to go from store to store - looking. And watching other people. Really led to some risque and eye-opening conversations later.
Start doing things out of the ordinary for your relationship. Most of us "settle" into relationships...home from work, dinner, errands, laundry, etc. Why not surprise her one night by planning an early evening picnic with a little erotic play thrown in for dessert? Again, opening the door to adventuresome play.
Maybe a weekend get-a-way in some hotel with a jacuzzi, room service, wine...spend the weekend totally naked and playing with each other. And generally, you can watch some pay-per-view type porn there. Might be the perfect opening. Might be the opportunity to suggest the off-premesis club visit, too - if she has had the opportunity to even know they exist. (and believe me, although I'm *old,* I had not a single idea about that stuff until just 2-3 years ago!!)
Does she dress sexy - ever? Or like most of us - fall into bed at night in the old but comfortable t-shirt? Maybe coming home with a special gift - sexy nightie or something? Maybe even some on-line shopping together. That could be fun.
I posted somewhere else that we sometimes have to convince others that what we want is
their idea , and while it may sound manipulative, we all do it all the time. And that is likely what you need to do - start placing one thought/idea in front of the other - allowing time for the idea to be absorbed - and all the while leading her to where you want to go. In the end, it will be an idea you came to together. They are baby steps and we all learn to "walk" at different paces. Only you know how fast she will walk, and one way or the other, she will tell you when she needs to go back to crawling for a while. And when and if she tells you that, you need to listen and allow it. It will probably be only temporary, then back to walking.
Hope this helps even a little - EBF