Hi again and thanks to everyone who responded. I guess I'll give some views on these responses and seek any further help that can be offered.
QUOTE]
Originally posted by twopeople2 Do you watch porn together? Maybe you could make comments about whatever part of that you may like and see how she reacts. Or even talking dirty during sex.[/QUOTE]
No we have never watched porn together. I agree this would be a good idea, though I also have to come up with why, after 6 years of Marriage, I'm suddenly suggesting we get some porn dvd's. Though I'm more confident of being able to do this and I doubt she will have a problem with us watching them.
We have been talking dirty in bed for a little while now. It's funny because here I am wanting to swing, yet I'm the more repressed one. I'm 10 years older than she is and grew up with very repressed attitudes pushed into me regarding sex. Whilst I don't agree with them, I have always found sex was embarassing and wouldn't say a word during love-making except for the grunts and groans. However, I have been telling her how good it feels when she gives head for example and how good she is at it and asking what she wants me to do to her etc... in recent times including using the vulgar terms for the bits of us. She seems to really like this and I find it a turn-on too.
QUOTE]
Originally posted by OhioCouple RabbyT, what ever you do, don't spring it on her and don't force the issue. It took several years of talking for me (the female half) to finally think to myself "Hey, this might be fun!" We did at least 3 years of "pillow talking" and fantasizing, and even then I had to do a whole lot of research before we took the first step.
[/QUOTE]
I think I'd find it hard to just spring it anyway and would need something to help me lead into talking about it. I wish I could somehow get her to read this board as the attitudes and opinions on Swinging are not what you expect when you are uniformed. They certainly surprised me. I hope when we finally talk about it it doesn't take 3 years for it to become a reality for us.
And thanks for the Welcome! You people all seem so wonderful.
Quote:
Originally posted by TNT
You said that you had read a book on swinging…why not give the book to your wife and tell her that you found the concepts in the book interesting and would like her opinion on it.
If you both surf the web you could show her this site and say something like…”You have got to check this out it’s so interesting”.
As others have said, watching porn and sharing sexual fantasies with each other is always a good idea.
Teresa
 |
Hi teresa and thanks for your comments. I don't think I could just give her the book. She doesn't read that much and I would feel strange doing that as it would be out of the ordinary for me to do so.
She is just starting to learn a little about computers and we haven't done much web surfing together and certainly not on any sex sites. In time, I would love to be reading this board together with her as I think it has wonderful information. Or somehow at least get her to find this site and read some of it herself. I don't think she's ever seen a sexy type site before.
I think there's something in the sharing of fantasies. We have never told each other any of our fantasies. I have never asked her and she hasn't of me either. What's a good way to bring this up?
And don't worry, I agree wholeheartedly with your comments on trust and honesty etc... and a lot of the reason that Swinging has excited me is how much it seems to enhance all those qualities for the couples involved.
Quote:
Originally posted by JustAskJulie
Tell her about the book and see what she has to say in response. If her reaction is "that is sick and wrong" then let it go. Either way the thought is planted in her head and she will probably continue to think about it. Either deciding she is totally against it or perhaps considering it and deciding that she too wants to know more.
The key here is to open the doors of communication and keep them open. |
Hi Julie,
Thanks for your comments. I guess that seems a little too direct for me to start opening the communication doors on swinging. I'd like to somehow start it a little subtler than that and then get her the actual paper copy of a good book on swinging to read. You have a wonderful site and resource here and I genuinely thank you for it.
Quote:
Originally posted by Buck
Rabbyt, I could have made your post.
Several have suggested that I introduce her to this board, but like you, I am wary of that right now because once done, its too late if she responds in a negative way. I really don't think she would, but I'm still very nervous about it. I really suspect that deep down, if the opportunity ever arose in the right place. at the right time, with the right guy or couple, she would be open to swinging.
So, I have no answers for you but can identify with you strongly and maybe we can share thoughts about this subject on this board. Have a nice day! |
Hi Buck,
Hey good to know that there's others in the same boat. Then if there's things tried that have some succes they can be shared. I would love to have her see this board but I'd love it more if she somehow was able to stumble across it on her own. I'm sortof hoping that if we can get to talking about fantasies and then maybe give each other projects to find a site about whatever fantasy (in this case swinging or a 3-some) we are talking about and look at the sites. That's one way that's been going through my mind.
I'm not sure what I suspect about whether she would do it or not. Some things we have done in the past say to me that maybe she would, but I don't know yet. I guess that's the first question I want to establish for myself before i take it further with her. I want to be able to think that there's a reasonable chance that she might want to do this cause If i thought there was no way, then the risk just isn't worth taking.
Quote:
Originally posted by thekolonel
Most of the women I've met in the scene were nudged into it at some point by the men in their lives and then after a while discovered they loved it. At some point you need to have the talk with her. Tell her you'd like to visit one of these parties just to watch and see what it's like, almost like live-action porn. Put her under no pressure to go any further than that. Make it easy for her to take a baby step in your direction and she might come around. |
That is something that would be great to do with her but it's probably a step well into the future. I would love to go to a party with her though and just see what is happening without us doing anything. It would also help me to see if this is some sort of fantasy I've become fixated on (not that I think that's the case but you never really know till you do it) or is it really appealing to me.
Sorry about the long post but I thought it was better than doing a few different ones. I appreciate the time taken by you all and in some ways it reaffirms to me the sense of community and belonging that seems to be a part of Swinging.