Unregistered

I have been reading posts regarding rules, and whether these rules can be construed as double standards, i.e., if the male half of a couple is interested in swapping with another couple or a FMF, but not cool with a MFM.

While some posts have described this as a double standard, others have argued that it's OK, as the male half of the couple is taking a risk with his feelings and only wants to involve other men who are taking the same risk, thereby helping to avoid single men who are just out for free sex (without regard or respect for the man who is making this "free sex" possible).

Personally, I find rules to be a little tiresome, and spontaneity is much preferred. The problem with this is that in our experience (2 happy years together without actual swinging, but keeping our eyes open), an opportunity for a FMF is once in a blue moon, while at the same time single men would be lining up for the opportunity for a MFM.

I brought up some recent fantasies to my girlfriend last night, and mentioned that I'd like to hook up with another couple, to do a same-room swap and enjoy watching each other get off with other hot people. She wasn't opposed, but said that the specific idea of another couple sounds contrived and preplanned, and I have to agree with her. However, Murphy's Law dominates my life, and I am absolutely sure that if we ever decided to be more proactive about realizing this fantasy (minus any "rules" or "arrangements"), we'd only be bringing men home, and after a while, I would inevitably begin to feel cheated out of an integral part of my fantasy. I suppose she would feel deprived, too, as she's turned on by the thought of girl-girl action.

My whole point is that, for someone starting out (and nervous about it), it's not really Murphy's Law, it's reality: the entire social/sexual dynamic out there inevitably tilts swinging (or open-minded sensuality, or whatever you want to call it) in favor of the women involved, regardless of whether they're straight, bi- or bi-curious. Like I said, on some level, everyone thinks rules are lame, but it's also lame to have such lopsided fantasy fulfillment.

Anyway, this is not something we're likely to ever argue about; we have a super sex life, and will continue to keep our eyes open for something that appeals to both of us (but I'm not holding my breath).