Quote:
Originally posted by DragonsLair
If your partner is more important, then you have to live within the constraints of the mutually chosen lifestyle. |
I know and I am not saying this to be contentious - just a little introspective philosphy for discussion's sake but...
Couldn't the same words quoted above be said to the monogamous half of the relationship? Would we find it callous and cruel to say exactly what you said except reversed with a swinging lifestyle as the platform of defense?
I doubt there are any answers to this but I find it interesting. My wife and I have struggled with this very question for 15 months of marriage and it has been the biggest hurdle we've had to overcome. Hell, we still haven't got past it.
I was a swinger when we first met and although she has had various experiences in the past she was more interested in a monogamous marriage. I acquiesced to monogamy after much "cussin and discussin" but have struggled with resentment issues and redefining myself all along.
She feels guilty having asked me to give up something that meant a lot to me. We have tried things during our marriage to attempt to satisfy both of us but monogamy is pretty much exclusive by definition and leaves very little room for interpretation.
She agrees that monogamy doesn't warrant being a default any more than swinging does but has her views as I have mine. If we go her route she struggles with guilt, if we go mine I struggle with it.
Our relationship is perfect in every other regard. We absolutely love each other and get along perfectly. We admire and respect each other in a number of different ways and we find each other beautiful. We would rather be WITH each other in a sewer than apart on beds of roses. I believe it is this very love that makes this so difficult. If I didn't care so much for her I would be less inclined to care about the unfairness of this and feel guilt for going the swinging route. The same is true for her. When I decide to "deal" she feels guilty for making me "keep my promise" of a monogamous relationship.
What a pickle, huh?