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wrnakedru · 06-24-2003, 02:34 PM

The described situation is almost a replay of how first husband and I got into the lifestyle. He also decided we should be starting "fresh", so suggested we swap stories about anything each had done prior (in the sneak around and lie pattern). It didn't take long to cover my "close call" stories, but I think he would still be sitting there telling me stories. I could only listen to a bit at a time (actually caused me some physical pain). Soon he was busy taking us into the present, so I didn't have to listen to the stories from the past anymore. (Which made me feel naive, duped, and a degree of the pain never left)
I think my entry into the lifestyle was based on the knowledge he was going to continue doing as he pleased regardless. This was a chance to make it "shared" activity. I didn't particularly care for either choice, but thought perhaps the sharing part of it might make it work.
There was still an awful lot of it that went on for him that wasn't shared, and since the decision wasn't really a shared one either, it never was what I think it might have been.
Don't let yourself get painted into a corner, or forced into participation in something you don't feel good about. If the communication isn't top notch between you and hubby, and consideration of each other a primary building block, I think you are not going to find it to be very good for you either.
Back off from activity until the communication is GOOD and open and complete. As long as you are holding back telling him everything about how you feel, you cannot move forward.
Lifestyle activity doesn't kill a marriage - but unless you take care of the problems you have prior to entering it - it damned sure won't help make the marriage any better either.

06-24-2003, 02:34 PM	#11 (permalink)
wrnakedru Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 1,989 Location: Bliss Status: Female	Boy! This sounded familiar........ The described situation is almost a replay of how first husband and I got into the lifestyle. He also decided we should be starting "fresh", so suggested we swap stories about anything each had done prior (in the sneak around and lie pattern). It didn't take long to cover my "close call" stories, but I think he would still be sitting there telling me stories. I could only listen to a bit at a time (actually caused me some physical pain). Soon he was busy taking us into the present, so I didn't have to listen to the stories from the past anymore. (Which made me feel naive, duped, and a degree of the pain never left) I think my entry into the lifestyle was based on the knowledge he was going to continue doing as he pleased regardless. This was a chance to make it "shared" activity. I didn't particularly care for either choice, but thought perhaps the sharing part of it might make it work. There was still an awful lot of it that went on for him that wasn't shared, and since the decision wasn't really a shared one either, it never was what I think it might have been. Don't let yourself get painted into a corner, or forced into participation in something you don't feel good about. If the communication isn't top notch between you and hubby, and consideration of each other a primary building block, I think you are not going to find it to be very good for you either. Back off from activity until the communication is GOOD and open and complete. As long as you are holding back telling him everything about how you feel, you cannot move forward. Lifestyle activity doesn't kill a marriage - but unless you take care of the problems you have prior to entering it - it damned sure won't help make the marriage any better either.