I feel a need to somewhat defend the author. I live in a small town. There are no services here. I would have to travel to a much larger city. It is quite time consuming, I have no guarantee of someone who might be able to help, or is open to counseling a couple considering swinging. It is expensive. If they don't both go, then I doubt if it is going to help them both. MAYBE her, but not as a couple. Ok then...what to do. If I had the answer, I'd be rich, but talking is certainly a good suggestion. This should have been discussed, but closing the barn door after the horse is out doesn't help the situation either. I am in "somewhat" of the same situation, although not nearly as desperate for some answers. The best I can offer is.....try to stay calm. That is really tough. Talk to as many people (like here) as you can. Really make the decision if this is something you might want to do. If this is a decision that you would like to do. And something that you CAN do. I don't know what your situation is, but I think that you wouldn't be reaching out if it were that easy. I know I am going to get a LOT of flak for this, but sorry guys, it's true. There are some situations where in order to give the guy what he needs, she may have to make some comprimze. By that I mean. Perhaps she would do the selection. Make sure that the agreements they reach are for HER comfort level. Do everything and anything that is going to make it workable for her! It's all well and good for us to say that she shouldn't be forced into choseing something that she doesn't want, but we don't know this lady's situation. Maybe there are very good valid reasons for her to consider doing something she might not want to do. We can't say. All we can do is support her if she is going to try something that we all know is iffy. Perhaps we could offer her something other than the very limited choices she has facing her. Personally, I really dislike seeing this, it tells me that there are guys out there who really are trying to force this on their spouse. No they shouldn't but they are. This doesn't make swinging "FUN", but a survival tactic. Let's not be too quick to give her a solution that she might not feel that she can take. Sometimes just being able to talk to someone who isn't going to get angry, is such a relief! She has to have people available to her that aren't going to judge her, or to give her advice she might not be able to take. With that, I hope that I haven't offended anyone on the board. I have been made quite welcome here, and wish to continue to get to know everyone, and throw my 2 cents in where I think it might help.
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