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I posted a thread a couple days ago about a bad experience we had our first time back into this lifestyle. My question is it is ok to expect some answers for the things that he done or should i just let it go. I am confused and I dont know why he did what he did but I would like some answers from him. I am trying really hard to get over this but I just cant figure out what changed him or why did he put up an act after we were so honest.
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What he did was play you- simple and sweet and cruel. It is not the deer’s fault that the wolf hunts it. He is a predator and I do not feel he is a true swinger; otherwise he would have respected the rules. He is a greedy selfish predator who is using this safe haven to hunt his prey. In that process he is making it impossible for the sincere single men in this lifestyle to have a chance at playing. Trust me I know...been there dealt with that ( not the condom issue, but the you are a free prostitute attitude) ( and I am aware ther ARE some great single men out there)
How does this all reflect on you...well darling. You live. You learn...CHOOSE not to be a victim. Be a victor. Adopt the attitude...don't fuck with me, unless I ask you to (wink ). You can simply send him an e-mail. "You did not respect our boundaries we are no longer interested. Please do not contact us by any means electronic or by phone or mail from now on.", then put him on iggy. And never give out your home number again, until after you have a relationship with another couple...or single or whatever...go to the clubs to meet.
If he should contact you repeatedly( Ie after he has been warned… guess what...Criminal trespass, and if by phone it becomes harassment by phone...a federal offence, not a misdemeanor .)
You do have recourse. Report him to the SLS people. Deprive him of his happy hunting ground. Believe me they do not want him on their site.
Please be proactive for yourself. You are assuming a victim attitude and you will remain in that pain forever if you choose to live in the one bad moment and ask “Why?” all the time.
Why?
Because he is who he is...wolf, sheep’s clothing.
Not because of who you are. I f you expect validation from him that what he did is wrong... keep dreaming. He will never see it that way and expecting him to say he is sorry is not reality. It also gives him power over you. You are making him your god (little g) and looking for absolution. Ask yourself for what?!?- Absolution for being a beautiful, desirable, and honest person who is up front about their boundaries? Gee ...sound like something you need forgiven for? !? I think not.
What I do not understand is why single guys don't police their own. If you ostracized men like this from the community. Actively formed a panel for review ... perhaps your image would not be tarnished and more of you would get invited to play more often.
I know I would have loved to have found a single male for us to play with that was honest and fun. He could have had a great time...many times over. But alas lying wolves like this one have turned me on the idea also. I just cannot trust the community of single men in the lifestyle, because of what they have done.
If I ever do find a single male that is fun and honest you bet I will start a thread called " Lets hear it for the boy” or " single sweeties" or something to the like to advertise the nice ones(and hopefully get them more playing time!) But if he is really good maybe I will just keep it quiet and try to find him a girlfriend...lol. Till then I think the suggestion about using the verification process on SLS is an excellent idea. If only a “ we wouldn’t invite him back” line.
Finally, I personally would love to know who the creep is that broke the negotiated and agreed upon covenant with you ... It would be my pleasure to introduce him to the legal implications of his conduct.
~Cat of Bodyscape02