[sweet2eat30]

Originally Posted by MrsPandMe

Soft swap is everything short of intercourse with someone other then your partner, by definition. Any other limitations are "rules" and not the actual definition of the term.

As for the "why do it at all", there are as many reasons as there are swingers. I can say that a lot of what we've come to understand is what Learning alluded to, nerves. If you and your partner go into the deal with no real need for him to "perform", it takes a lot of pressure off. After all, you don't need a boner to perform mindblowing oral. Without the pressure to get junior into the party, you can concentrate on other things (which, many times, gets Junior into the party). Another big reason is psychological. Watching your wife getting munched by another dude = pretty exciting. Watching your wife get banged by another dude = potentially traumatizing. The last one sees a lot of swingers who start out soft, and once the trust is established and they really do like and trust a couple, they delve into full swap. For the first time, the guy really has to have a connection and trust with the other guy, then he'll feel more comfortable knowing that the other guy will respect HIS feelings as well as his wife's. Once that cherry is popped and he knows he's okay watching his wife with another guy, it's amazing to see how many wonder why they never did this to begin with...

Mr. P

I agree. That's been the way it was for us when we got started