The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Advice: Wife OK with fantasy, not with reality

isikar · 06-29-2009, 12:36 PM

My wife and I have been married 11 years and have had good sex life, but we have both acknowledged in recent months that our sex life is stale. I ran across an article about swinging and started checking it out and I like what I found. I though about it long and hard before I decided to bring it up with my wife. Overall, the conversation went very well. I didn't pop it out of the blue but segued into a conversation we were having about fantasies. She has know for some time that I fantasize about a threesome and it OK with it, so I mentioned that it was not that far a jump from threesome to foursome to moresome.

She did not object to the idea but I think she has trouble with the transition from fantasy to reality. She stated that she could see swinging in "some exotic location" but had a difficult time visualizing swinging here (Mississippi). Part of that is that in a fantasy you can control every aspect of what happens; reality isn't like that. You lose control. The other part of the issue there is that she is concerned that the quality of the menfolk won't live up to her fantasy. This is not that unrealistic a fear. The women here is MS tend to keep themselves up very well, but the men... not so much. We comment all the time when we go out to dinner about seeing beautiful women with absolute slobs of men.

I tried to paint the image that I fantasize about, which is having a couple or couples that we can be friend with outside of swinging but also enjoy playing with as well. Normal people like us with jobs and kids and flaws, but I don't think I sold it well.

Her other objection was that she wanted a man who thinks she is the only women in the world for him, and the idea that her man could contemplate having sex with another women was distressing. I handled it this way: I stated that she was the one I loved and adored, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but that variety is good: I love a Ruth Chris Fillet Mignon, but I don't want one every night. Some times I want a hamburger. She grasped the analogy and stated that she wanted to expand our menu by added some light bondage, rougher sex, roll playing, etc.

In the end, my impression is that swinging is not off the table as a possibility, but I am going to have to tread carefully. I think that both these objections can be dealt with, but for now, I've put the issue of swinging on the back burner and am concentration of fulfilling her desire for expanded sex. My feeling is that this can only take us so far before it gets stale again. I could be wrong... maybe if the menu is big enough you never get bored. However, I do want to swing, so ultimately, I would like to assuage her objections and proceed.

Anybody have any ideas/suggestions?

06-29-2009, 12:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
isikar Registered Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 4 Location: Ridgeland, MS Status: Couple	Advice: Wife OK with fantasy, not with reality My wife and I have been married 11 years and have had good sex life, but we have both acknowledged in recent months that our sex life is stale. I ran across an article about swinging and started checking it out and I like what I found. I though about it long and hard before I decided to bring it up with my wife. Overall, the conversation went very well. I didn't pop it out of the blue but segued into a conversation we were having about fantasies. She has know for some time that I fantasize about a threesome and it OK with it, so I mentioned that it was not that far a jump from threesome to foursome to moresome. She did not object to the idea but I think she has trouble with the transition from fantasy to reality. She stated that she could see swinging in "some exotic location" but had a difficult time visualizing swinging here (Mississippi). Part of that is that in a fantasy you can control every aspect of what happens; reality isn't like that. You lose control. The other part of the issue there is that she is concerned that the quality of the menfolk won't live up to her fantasy. This is not that unrealistic a fear. The women here is MS tend to keep themselves up very well, but the men... not so much. We comment all the time when we go out to dinner about seeing beautiful women with absolute slobs of men. I tried to paint the image that I fantasize about, which is having a couple or couples that we can be friend with outside of swinging but also enjoy playing with as well. Normal people like us with jobs and kids and flaws, but I don't think I sold it well. Her other objection was that she wanted a man who thinks she is the only women in the world for him, and the idea that her man could contemplate having sex with another women was distressing. I handled it this way: I stated that she was the one I loved and adored, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but that variety is good: I love a Ruth Chris Fillet Mignon, but I don't want one every night. Some times I want a hamburger. She grasped the analogy and stated that she wanted to expand our menu by added some light bondage, rougher sex, roll playing, etc. In the end, my impression is that swinging is not off the table as a possibility, but I am going to have to tread carefully. I think that both these objections can be dealt with, but for now, I've put the issue of swinging on the back burner and am concentration of fulfilling her desire for expanded sex. My feeling is that this can only take us so far before it gets stale again. I could be wrong... maybe if the menu is big enough you never get bored. However, I do want to swing, so ultimately, I would like to assuage her objections and proceed. Anybody have any ideas/suggestions?