Quote:
Originally Posted by JustAskJulie  I guess my take on this situation is a little different than what most are seeing. I was holding off posting to see what others said. My initial response is somewhat along the lines of what Chicup said - you aren't ready for this so don't do it.
That said, to answer your question. Yes, I do think you are being controlling.
You said that she had had previous 1 on 1 relationships that you were ok with, BUT you were not ok with the fact that it ended badly and she got hurt, and you were worried about this occurring again, therefore you wanted her to move more slowly in finding a new boy toy. At least that's how I read it. If that is actually the case, then yes you are being too controlling, imo. If you are really ok with her having 1 on 1 playtime with other guys and even having a relationship with another guy. Then let her do it. If you are ok with the guy in question, then what is holding you back? I find your restricting her in seeing this guy on the basis of "it's too soon" or "she might get hurt" rather controlling.... |
I have to strongly disagree with you here. Our marriage is the primary relationship and takes precedence over all others. As such, there are agreed upon rules that both of us have willingly acknowledged to follow. One of those rules is that either one of us can slow down or put a slight hold on either's secondary relationships, so long as we have a good reason. Another rule is no intimate contact on the first date (unless agreed upon beforehand) and to keep in contact with one another if plan's change. These rules were agreed upon by both Mrs. Pill and the prospective partner the week before the meetup.
I won't go into details about why Mrs. Pill's last relationship ended so abruptly but I will say that her last BF lied through omission and disrespected her. Because of that, I was apprehensive about this new partner (our prior relationship with them as a couple ended because of communication issues).
Recently, it came to light that this new partner was NOT telling his wife everything that had occured and, from his last email, it seemed to be a turn-on for him. Because of that, both Mrs. Pill and myself have decided to end their relationship before anyone gets hurt.
For an open marriage to work, both partners need to abide by mutual rules, communicate on a regular basis, respect each others feelings, and only go as quickly as the slowest person. To follow your reasoning, Julie, it would seem that you think that either partner should be able to go off and do whatever and whomever they'd like, regardless of their primary partner's feelings on that issue. If that is the case, then what's the point of being married or having a primary relationship?