Quote:
Originally Posted by JustAskJulie  There are times when even sex is not a good thing (I never realized how much you tense your entire body just before you orgasm - and to make it worse when I feel my body tensing up at that point I fight it which just makes it worse).....
.... If we didn't choose to take a break from action altogether. How important do you feel that oral sex is in swinging? |
Awww, how frustrating.
My partner had a bout with TMJ, hers was caused by "bruxism", she unconciously ground her teeth in her sleep, so the dentist gave her an insert to keep that from happening, eventually she "unlearned" doing that. I got TMJ too at one point, but mine was from an impacted molar. (TMJ is so complicated.) We were both so oral, it was vexing, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
First, oral is not the only tool in the toolbag. Yeah, it is an important tool, but the TMJ forced us into doing other things, in fact it lead to us inventing a game where we would put certain acts "off limits" (no oral, or no hands, or no ...well, name something. lol!) and we would have to invent substitutes! That game outlasted the TMJ, and we were even able to incorporate that, and what we learned from that, into swinging!!!
Yes, tensed orgasms really affected her TMJ too, even when she was not doing any oral at all! Like your case, it really affected her the next day and sometimes for a few days. Ouch. We also quit swinging for a while, even sex. But it became all too much, and so not us.
She had a few experiences with a playmate of ours, doing mutual massage and "sensual indulgences" (she and her were both LMP's) -when she had these suprising "relaxed" orgasms... and they were so powerful! Remembering that gave her ideas, so we experimented with that. As a starting point for making relaxed orgasms more concious and not so accidental, we used various combinations of breathing, imagery and touch. Roberta DeLong Miller wrote a book called "Psychic Massage"... and she used that book as a way of getting me on the same page ( I was clueless at first) and exploring that phenom.
To make a long story short -in the first chapter of that book, Miller has an exercise...and she basically talks about moving breath energy within your body while relaxing your body. If you take breath "energy" to mean "sexual energy" (which it is) ... we were able to "learn" how to get ourselves so turned on, how to exchange that energy and yet also get so relaxed that the orgasms just happened seemingly out the blue and were amazing. There was no resisting them! You just get so hot you just sort of explode. These orgasms also have a characteristic of having no post orgasmic "let down" and just made us even hotter. We were able to apply what we had learned with our swinging partners using word play and guiding touch...to everyones fun! So when all was said and done, we ended up with another "tool" in our toolkit, one maybe even more powerful than oral.
Some people seem to have an easier time learning to do these relaxed orgasms than others, but its worth a try. Hope some of this helps. Where there is a will, there is away!