Definitely an
evolution, a very slow one. We're still very new at this, but I must say, the road to here has been an interesting one. I was so totally and completely against anything of this nature and thought,
why on earth would people bother getting married, if they still wanted to have sex with other people???...I am now realizing that sex is totally seperate from committment and love and that has been a wonderful realization. Very freeing
What changed my mind was probably letting go of my inhibitions and the societal constraints and realizing how much happier I/we was/were for it. I am becoming a totally different person and I'm likin' this person
Let's see, one night, while I was very pg with baby #3, I woke up around midnite. Dh was not in bed. I had to pee anyway, so I decided to go out to the other bathroom and look for him along the way. Well, lo and behold, he was on the 'puter, looking at porn, and masturbating...I was so upset (not because he was masturbating, but because he was looking at porn). He was so into it, he hadn't even heard me. I went outside for some fresh air, collect my thoughts, and try to figure out how to handle this. I probably wouldn't have been so upset, except for the fact that I had asked him, recently, to refrain from doing that because I was kinda at a low point (esteem-wise) and it didn't help knowing that he was looking at women that I could never compete with. I came back inside, quietly, proceeded back towards the 'puter room, stood in the doorway, went to say something, and wound up bursting into tears and running into the bathroom *sigh* I heard dh say,
"Oh shit!" as he quickly turned off the 'puter, exited the room, and waited for me to come out of the bathroom. A few minutes later I came out and we sat down and had a very long talk. We talked about my feelings on the matter, so he knew where I was coming from, then we talked about his feelings on the matter so I knew where he was coming from. It was probably one of the best talks we ever had, followed by some of the best sex we ever had
Long story longer, from there we have discovered things about ourselves, especially about me, that neither one of us ever new existed. I've let go of a lot of baggage (both sexual and emotional) and am now discovering some very exciting things with my husband