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Originally Posted by tormontreal  We live in different cities and visit each other almost every weekend. |
Ooof! Toronto-Montreal? Been there, done that drive. It's quite a hike.
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -this is about us, and the whole purpose of it is for it to turn us on |
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -this isn't an attempt to spice up a lame sexlife... we just have heard and think if done right that it can be incredibly hot |
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -the "invitee" works in her company but in a different department... they do occasionally see each other at work lunches and events with other people but not often |
(agree with what everyone else said)
This is a common thought path among newer swing couples. The co-worker seems attractive; you know them to some degree, already decided if you are attracted to them, etc.
It's a seriously BAD idea. Don't do it. Period. Most especially with an MFM scenario. There are PLENTY of single swinging men. You don't need the co-worker. All sorts of bad things can happen. It's just NOT worth it.
Plus, non-swinging males jumping into an MFM can have serious performance issues. It's not at all uncommon, even for young, perfectly healthy men, to suddenly not be able to get it up in such a situation. I'm a swinger, but the very first time we swung I had performance issues. Lots of men do. I don't anymore, but I did.
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -i've met him at one of her work functions before and he knows how committed we are... i also happen to think he's a genuinely nice guy and will be respectful in bed with us... mostly with her seeing as I'm not looking for a bi-sexual experience |
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(minus the co-worker bit)
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -we've agreed that this is our space now, so any conversations she has with him after are to be shared with me |
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -we've discussed rules and how to handle things if he should he develop feelings for her after |
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Communication is VERY important. My wife and I have discussed emotional aspects as well. For us, the rule is if a swing partner starts having an emotional attachment to us or we to them, it's quit with them cold turkey time. If you have a regular swing partner, it's pretty had
not to develop some emotions with respect to that person. But we do that with friends. If the emotions go beyond platonic, turning to romantic, then it's kaput. We play for
our relationship, not to build another one.
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -we've decided that she'll talk to him this week at lunch and lay the whole thing out for him to decide on...rules and all... since she's caught him checking her out a few times already, we don't see him turning the opportunity down. |
Wrong. With no criticism, this is inexperience talking. Men can react in unexpected ways. The guy might think you're no good in bed, and try to take her for himself. He might be freaked out by the idea of having sex with someone while another guy is watching. Some guys just do NOT want another guy seeing their penis erect, or vice versa. The guy might think your girlfriend is a complete slut and suddenly be turned off by her. The guy might think "Oh this is just TOO juicy not to share with my workmates!" and go blab it to everyone.
Reality; you're not him. Regardless of how well you know him, there's no way you can know how he will react. There is a HUGE gap of difference between flirtatious attraction and having a threesome. There's plenty of women at my workplace I'd really enjoy fucking. I have good relations with a number of them, and slightly flirtatious moments with a few. But, my own mindset on swinging took time to develop. Trying to take a co-worker who is mildly flirtatious to full on swinging is like trying to take a bus from zero to 300km/hr in 3 seconds. You can easily snap their heads off. Bad, bad juju man. Don't do it.
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -she is away from work for a week after this night of fun allowing for a cool off period |
Some detachment can be good. Thing is, a swinging experience can set you on fire. That fire should be directed at your mate, not at the swing partner the very next day necessarily
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -we've talked about the possibility of me becoming jealous... and I'm feeling good about this not being a big cause for concern. I think seeing her in action with him might actually quell all the thoughts i have about her previous sex life with other men - these thoughts have actually started turning me on recently... i don't know why really... they used to make me jealous with my previous girlfriends...I think i'm getting to the source of where my jealousy was really stemming from. |
The fabled green eyed monster. Forget about her sex past. Either you accept her, or you don't. You can't change her past. Doing anything to judge her or hold her in less regard for her past is wrong.
Seeing another man fuck your girlfriend (in my case wife) is highly erotic. It's most especially erotic when she's REALLY enjoying it. Little boys don't grow up being told how erotic it is to see their wives get fucked by another man. So, there's no lock-step answers to this. But, a very large number of swinging men really enjoy watching their wives get a good fucking from another man. It doesn't necessarily need an answer as to why. It simply is. If you enjoy it, wonderful! I know I do!!!!
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -we've talked about the possibility of her feeling dirty afterwards... she doesn't see this as a concern... her primary concern is that I'm ok with him being inside of her |
My wife had concerns about being thought of as a lady by me and by herself post-facto. Concerns gone. She now says in MFMs "I feel like a queen!" Society teaches young ladies that keeping your legs together is proper and moral. Hard programming to overcome. It's really really really ok to enjoy sex. There's nothing wrong with it. It's also ok to enjoy getting sex from lots of men at once. So long as it's not illegal, everyone is having fun and there's no victim, what the heck is wrong with it?
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Originally Posted by tormontreal -we've talked about ways of making the encounter safe |
Excellent.
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Originally Posted by tormontreal The biggest thing we've narrowed it down to is how she and him will have to handle themselves after this night given they work in proximity and also given that she and I won't be living in the same city until she moves to be with me in 4 months. |
Again, the co-worker bit. If this were a swing male, this would be a complete non-issue.
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Originally Posted by tormontreal Do you think we've done our due diligence? Are we silly to be doing this given that we're only late twenties and not even married yet? Are we missing details? Should we maybe just pillowtalk for a few more months and see what we think then? We're confident that we are adult about all our decisions regarding this.. marriage included... we would like to know if you're seeing something here that we might've missed. |
I don't think you have to be married to swing. Only you can evaluate the stability if your relationship. But, swinging requires a stable relationship.
A very good thing to consider is this; Swinging is a magnifying glass on a relationship. Swinging by itself is neither good nor bad. It just is. What it does do is provide a magnifying glass. If your relationships has problems, the problems will be magnified ten fold, and you will have serious problems to contend with. If your relationship is very healthy, with absolute trust and perfectly open lines of communication on
everything, then it most likely will enhance your relationship in many ways, not just sexually.
No, you're not too young to swing. The 'average' swinger is a bit older than you two, but that's of no concern. What matters is how good your relationship is (and be ABSOLUTELY honest with each other about that).