[The Fuse]

I too think you and your wife should be able to talk to each other on a sincere, non-teasing level. However, I know that different couples have different ways of communicating. I never could understand how some couples can tolerate the constant bickering, like my parents, and my sister with her husband. But I do have some other friends who just seem to both enjoy poking at each other. Not my thing, but it seems to work for them.

Do you and your wife talk about serious things in a serious way? You'll find over and over again on this board that people say communication is the most important thing, and they are right. I know sometimes it's easier to tease and be teased, but that might be because one or both of you is afraid of what the other might say if the conversation were sincere and earnest. It is much better to proceed in a sincere way, as long as you emphasize to your wife that you would never pressure her to do anything she didn't really want to do -- and you have to mean that, of course. If she knows that whatever she is thinking will be okay with you, she might be willing to open up. If she feels safe and accepted, you will have some really rewarding talks. That includes accepting her craziest fantasies, the ones she's not comfortable with, and it also means accepting her lack of desire to act on them, if that lack of desire exists.

Some other posters to this thread have mentioned that it took years for them to evolve from fantasy to reality. That is always a possibility, one that it is only in your best interest to accept happily. Even if it never becomes a reality, it can be awfully fun to share the fantasy. Good luck.