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Originally Posted by trent2  Perhaps I didn't phrase is correctly. I would never do anything to any such effect, I love my wife dearly. We have been married seven years and plan to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is that it has become a fantasy of mine but we have NEVER discussed anything like this before. She is completely fine with the fantasy but she is less open to the idea of actually doing anything. I told her that it would turn me on to see her being please and would only enjoy such an encounter if it would make her happy being pleased by more than one man. It's hard to get her to open up about anything sexual. It's hard to get to know what she wants. To let you know how far away we probably are from ever doing anything in reality. She just saw her first porno with me the other night but she was pretty turned on by it. When I did tell her of my fantasy like I said she was fine with it but asked if I would have sex with another women if she wanted me to, sensing a trap I froze and diverted the question and told her I didn't desire another women and would only consider it if it turned her on but was not looking for anyone else.
I guess the point I wanted to make is that I am not a jerk or worse who wanted to use my wife as a doll for my pleasures. I want to know how this may effect our sexual relationship and how women think about it. I know everyone is different. She considers herself boring and doesn't have much to say for pillow talk sexual fantasy.
Just looking for information on sexual relationships, not how to make someone do something they don't want to do. |
Thanks for coming back and elaborating a bit more. It definitely helps with understanding when a better picture is drawn
It seems you've taken the first step...building the trust it takes to be open with each other. Many women are raised with a repressed view of sex and sexuality. For them to even be able to entertain the possibility of changing that view takes time and an enormous amount of trust in their partner and themselves.
From the way I'm interrupting this, with the fact that your wife just watched her first porn movie, it seems she has a very narrow view of sex. The first step in possibly working your way into maybe having a threesome some time in the future is to change her view of sex. She has to come to a realization that it's something that does not necessarily have to be kept in a nice, neat little box. She has to not only understand from you that no matter what it is where sex is concerned, that you're okay with it, that you're not going to judge her or think she's weird...as well as, giving herself permission that's it okay to explore some of her deeper inner thoughts and share those with you.
For some the ability to be totally open and honest about all things sexual with their partner is easy, for others it takes time. There's nothing wrong with taking as much time as is necessary.
I would suggest forgetting about working towards a possible threesome at this point and concentrate on you and your wife building and exploring a sexual relationship with each other where when a question is asked by either of you there is no fear of the question being a "trap" , but that it's just a question asked for the purpose of understanding each other better and building a deeper trust in each other.
Once you've reached a point where sharing your sexual fantasies with each other and asking any question in the book without fear has become second nature, then you've reached the point where the possibility of exploring your sexuality with others becomes a fun and non-threatening idea.
Continue to read the board and even bring your wife here to read. It may seem like the only thing that is discussed here is swinging sex but on a deeper level we do discuss what it takes to build that strong relationship foundation that allows for the possibility of swinging to become a reality.
Teresa