The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Want to swing, my wife is not open to idea. Any advice?

bbarnsworth · 04-09-2009, 02:08 PM

Echo IvoryTowers, and further up TNT. Plant seeds, yes. Try to convince, no. Talk at length, yes. Treat it like a debate team contest, no.

My wife brought up the idea of swinging, but she was fairly reluctant to the idea at first. It wasn't a question of finding what "worked" with her. For me, it was most definitely a matter of finding out what would make her happy, how she discovered herself, and how I could help.

My wife takes great pleasure from me getting pleasure in watching her being pleasured (phew, what as sentence!). But, I've made it absolutely clear to her and she readily acknowledges that she will only play if she wants to, for her own pleasure, for her own desires. My pleasure is absolutely secondary to that. I would never, ever be happy watching her have sex with someone else knowing she was doing it primarily for me, or to fulfill a fantasy of mine.

No, I love watching her have sex with other men because I thoroughly enjoy doing everything I can to make her the happiest, most self actualized person she can be. Casting aside society's rules and helping her to fulfill her sexual dreams and desires and satisfy the sexual creature she is, is my goal. Kissing her deeply, and passionately while she is having sex with someone else is an incredible feeling, knowing how fulfilled *she* is feeling. I could never have that feeling knowing she was doing it for me or because of what I wanted.

Plant the seeds with your wife. Don't push. Discuss. It can take a lot of time. The fact that you could plant the seeds without her running for the hills is a step in the right direction, but it's just a step. There's many more, and you've got a tremendous resource here in this forum to help you along the way.

04-09-2009, 02:08 PM	#7 (permalink)
bbarnsworth Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 1,870 Location: South Central Indiana Status: Couple	Re: Want to swing by wife is not open to idea. Any advice? Echo IvoryTowers, and further up TNT. Plant seeds, yes. Try to convince, no. Talk at length, yes. Treat it like a debate team contest, no. My wife brought up the idea of swinging, but she was fairly reluctant to the idea at first. It wasn't a question of finding what "worked" with her. For me, it was most definitely a matter of finding out what would make her happy, how she discovered herself, and how I could help. My wife takes great pleasure from me getting pleasure in watching her being pleasured (phew, what as sentence!). But, I've made it absolutely clear to her and she readily acknowledges that she will only play if she wants to, for her own pleasure, for her own desires. My pleasure is absolutely secondary to that. I would never, ever be happy watching her have sex with someone else knowing she was doing it primarily for me, or to fulfill a fantasy of mine. No, I love watching her have sex with other men because I thoroughly enjoy doing everything I can to make her the happiest, most self actualized person she can be. Casting aside society's rules and helping her to fulfill her sexual dreams and desires and satisfy the sexual creature she is, is my goal. Kissing her deeply, and passionately while she is having sex with someone else is an incredible feeling, knowing how fulfilled she is feeling. I could never have that feeling knowing she was doing it for me or because of what I wanted. Plant the seeds with your wife. Don't push. Discuss. It can take a lot of time. The fact that you could plant the seeds without her running for the hills is a step in the right direction, but it's just a step. There's many more, and you've got a tremendous resource here in this forum to help you along the way.